We choose how we live...

 Last week Friday I was driving over the bridge
heading to my girlfriend, Claire's place,
to do her hair.
She lives just blocks from my dear sister-friend
Angela
the one who is walking with cancer.
I had hoped to pop over to her place after
I was done with Claire's hair
but she was off to an appointment
one of many she attends these days...
This appointment was special.
This appointment would determine if 
the chemo treatments where doing anything
to shrink the tumour that had taken up 
residence in her colon...
causing her to get a colostomy bag in the spring.

So that morning
as I crossed over the bridge
Angela was on my mind and
I reminded myself that I would
send her a text
as soon as I arrived at Claire's.
It was then  I went to my Spirit for guidance and the words I should write...
and as I came over the crest of the bridge
high about the river in the morning fog
I heard these words
"Catherine,
you do not get to choose how you die
but you get to choose how you live."
Tears
Tears reflecting the knowing of the truth
the sacred truth in those words
Tears as I thought of my Angela and her husband getting ready to go to this telling appointment
Tears in the AWE of her spirit, her conviction, her willingness to believe that all will be as it is meant to be and no matter what the out come, all will be ok.
Tears because of the beauty and the fragility of life
Tears because we are so held, so loved, so cared for
we only need ask and believe.

the following is taken from Angela's blog
about said appointment:

It has been a very long day and an even longer evening.  I attended an informative session tonight on Cancer and Diet (specifically the Gerson Diet) and although a fruitful one, my head is exploding with new information and the task of doing more research.  I am very tired which always makes me emotional but also because the implication of what I “could” have heard today and what I heard instead, is only hitting me now. 

I was blessed with good news regarding the CT Scan results.  The Cancer has not spread!

There is no measurable tumour remaining visible in my colon (this was the rascal that started it all).  Unfortunately, even though it may have shrunk, it left behind a heck of a mess. But even the mess seems to have some positive results.  The multiple masses on the lining of my abdominal cavity have decreased significantly in size and the metastasis on my liver and right sacral bone (which is the large triangular bone at the base of the lower spine) have decreased in size as well.  The accumulation of fluid that was in my abdominal cavity has also resolved itself. 

The chemo has been exhausting and a struggle, but at least I know now that it is working.  The juicing, the diet change, the exercise are also key to this success.  What I need to do is incorporate additional holistic herbs and healing to help keep the good cells healthier and keep me strong.  I will be scheduled for another CT Scan in 10 weeks and we will see again how much progress is made.

Thank you for your love and prayers and your unending support and positive motivation... I KNOW that I could not have gotten this far without them. 

A very special friend told me “We don’t get to choose how we die.  But we do get to choose how we live.”  I made my choice, I am doing it now and I am ever so grateful and thankful.  I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Angela xox

(Sat. Oct. 19) 

We don't get to choose how we die...
But we get to choose how we live

My dear friend is such a reflection of that reality
6 months ago the doctors told her
to say goodbye to her kids
today
who knows
but the truth is
she is alive and living
and my lovelies
that is the happy ending.
*

The other scenario is not so bright
my "mom"
is not coping so well
she has already given up
Yes, she is going through the motions of life
but she is not living
When I suggest looking into the diet the Angela is on
she shrinks up her nose
and does not hear me any more.
She has long been residing in the anger stage
and there is no sign of her leaving...
not without a swift kick in the butt
Am I the one to give her that kick?
It's hard to say
All I know is that right now
I am so sad
and broken inside
because she has given up
on herself
her life
and essentially
those who love her.

This is just me unfolding these pieces of my life
right now 
beauty and pain
as we walk hand in hand in...

This coming weekend,
hold on to holiness of these words my lovelies...

We do not get to choose how we die
But we so get to choose how we live

tomorrow I head down to P0rtland to gather
with Pixie Campbell and some other sisters of SouLodge 
for me,  THATS living well : )

Live well my lovelies
Live well

Love and Light

*check out my 2014 Animal Medicine Calendar here*
 

Monday's Offering...Where to start?

I have wondered where to start...

view out our apartment dinning room window 

home life has taken over

already it feels like a life time ago

funny how life does that.

But my commitment to myself was to not forget...

thus the book that is to come

because not only do I never want to forget

I want others to be awakened

*

I thought I would start with some visuals

of what I saw each day

when we drove up to the center each day.

In Medellin they have a class system

ranging from 1-7

1 being the worst

7 being the best

where we stay is a 3

where our center is, is a 1

(though in my opinion it really seems lower than that)

We all agreed we would not want to stay

in any higher level of class

3 felt real and still offered us a level of safety

being that our apartment complex is gated

anything 4/5 and higher is much like home

too much like home

I have to say

I am amazed at the levels that represent

 the affluent

since poverty dominates the classes

but I have found that all over the world

there is a level of denial about

that which happens to those less fortunate

 in all areas of life

Medellin has a population of 3.8 million people

When I am there I am tornado-ed

into

 the sounds

the bodies

the never ending movement

that is this very large city

It is a place of sensory overload and stimulation.

It is everything I avoid in my everyday life.

But this place

has become a home to me

my Other Home

and each time I leave
it is harder
and more painful. 

The rainy season had started early

and the city was lush with green and blossoms

this was a welcome surprise

especially around the center

which is perched above the city on

the mountain side.

Our people up there

are now recognized as "displace people"

This is because

many of the ghettos formed are by

 those who came in from the country

escaping the threat of the Guerilla warfare.

The government is now recognizing these people

which is good

as they now have proper hydro power

and also

can apply for government relief.

But this also unpackages a problem

that is universal amongst the poor

-how to manage these grants

When you are poor

you have been stripped of many more things

than finical stability

the stability of clear thought is also taken

the stability of making a long term decision

is also taken

the living beyond the moment

is taken

So often this money is not spent with long term

plans in mind

thus

what could have been a help up and out

gets sucked up by the dry earth

that is poverty.

BUT

there is hope my lovelies

and you became part of that hope!

These are some of the things

that your donations helped with:

medicine

shoes

food 

clothing

cab fare and phone minute

 for one of our university students

this is for her safety as traveling alone

can be dangerous at certain times of the day

12 gift bags for the women who work at the center

special outing for some of the kids

youth out reach program

and the big one

we...you and I

bought an industrial dishwasher for the kitchen at the center

our hope is to add another meal per day

a dish washer would help greatly for this to become a reality

yes smile

yes hug yourself

I told them all about you

woman around the world

who gave

who care

who love

they were so amazed

dis belief and confusion

would often cross their faces

when my interpreter told them of you

Thank you

from me

from them

Love and Light

Hope...

*

Hope

I wanted to feel it

I knew it

I had had it
I needed it
*
Hope
an emotional state
which promotes the belief
in a positive outcome 
related to events and circumstances
in ones life
*says Wikipedia*


so the other day
feeling I had misplaced her
I went out looking for Hope
 to the place I knew
where answers were always found
my church of  earth and sky
water, rock, mountain and wood
the place of Creator
Mother Earth
where all answers lie
in the simplicity of the constant


Coyote met us
which was a surprise 
because it was later in the day
much later then when I normally visit
later usually means less animals around
they are shy of people
and tend to hid away during
the busyness of the day
but they were out
Coyote
Families of Geese
and the Heron sitting up top the old tree snag
I saw them
I recognized the gift 
but still...


I challenged God
I said "I would be impressed if it was an Eagle there"
cheeky as I was
a tender heart I hid behind those bold words
and this God knew


I biked on
beginning to feel refreshed
with Spirit by my side
whispering loving words in my ears
reassuring me
loving me
even in my unsettled state 
for I was flippant and dismissive


Then I saw Him
flying above me
Eagle
"Are you impressed now?"
I heard a voice say
my humility poured over my soul
"Yes,  Yes, truly I am blessed"
I notice another eagle flying higher
and a hawk flying off to my right
I soften
I release
Hope is returning


And then 
a little way down the trail
very low
over my head He flies
Eagle
to perch on a tree right in front
of me
The Love of my Soul
"Do you see me Catherine?
I am here
I am here
I am here"
yes yes I see you
"I am always with you
never shall I forsake you
never do I leave you"


We look at each other for quite some time
me through tear filled eyes
my heart open and raw
He tells me more
encourages me
listens to me
hears me
loves me


in the water
Otter swims
and plays amongst the reeds
teasing my Puppy Prince
playful joy...


and then
and then I see something 
come floating down through the air
something small and delicate
something caught upon the wind


"Is that for me?"
I ask
for I am not sure I can grasp it
"Go towards it"
says the Lover of my Soul
"Move towards it and reach out for it"
and so I do
a smile is on my tears stained face
my heart is excited with anticipation
as I reach out to catch it
and once again
in the simplest of things
I have found Hope

Where have you found Hope my lovelies?


Love and Light
*Honouring the Ebb and Flow*


the following are images taken during my
time alone

we are off to spend out final weekend

in this strange

but beautiful place

Happy Weekend my Lovelies

Monday Offerings...

Today was a heavy day.

I woke up with anxiety 

sitting upon my chest.

I could go through the list of things that I conjured up in my mind

as to why I felt this way

but the truth is

it has to do with

Vulnerability

As I am living this word out with intention everyday

I find myself sitting in situations that leave me

Vulnerable

this practice tends to

 brings a few emotions

along for the ride.

So when I sat down, to write, at my computer 

this morning at 5:00am

I was pleasantly surprised to be welcomed into

SouLodge

with the Sweet Pixie Campbell

I had "forgotten" that today The Winter Session started

It was a welcome surprise.

But the pain in my chest lingered

I knew what was going on

another layer being pealed back

another shift deep inside...

like moving furniture

it can be rough

but the results are usually worth it...

But I needed relief

I required grounding

so I sought it 

in the place were Grace always abounds...

I went to my church

With my trusted companion at my side

we ventured off into the snow filled morning

sparkles still falling from the sky

the clouds hanging low

we walked into 

The Church of The Winter Earth

and we were baptized

in Mother's Beauty

and Life

This is my offering to you...

the beauty of a winters morning

the joy of being part of it

the life that teams within

and in these moments

breath returns

and courage is found

hope reborn

because it is in nature
Divinity speaks it's loudest

and we are reminded

in order to fly
one must move her wings

Love and Light