all images and stories are the property of Catherine Beerda-Basso and are not to be used without given permission...thank you

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Living in the Peace that passes all understanding

This is my son
grade 12-er (one month till graduation!)
musically gifted in instrument and song
extreme sportist (is that even a word?)
lover of Shakespeare
collector of comic books
hoarder of papers
leaver of home

Two nights ago he left home and it was not a peaceful leaving
that made this mama heart sad
it was not what I had envisioned
it was not what I wanted for him
it was not
it was not
it was

this story is about a Mom
a Wild Woman of the Wood
a Sister of the SouLodge
a Moon Sister
a Daughter of Many
and a Friend to Most
this is a story about how one 
in the saddest, most uncertain of places
can find Peace
that passes all understanding...

The night that he left was a sad night indeed
and yet
I had this undeniable peace around me
I wept for my child whom
I felt
had left too soon...but perhaps
it was not soon enough
I felt The Divine holding us all
I saw the steps laid out
I knew we were not alone as we walked this out
Whatever comes God holds each of us
When I woke the next morning
for a moment I unknown to me, my first thought is of my boys sleeping in their beds...then I remembered.
A dullness came over me and I thought about some guidance I had received the week before.
At the time of receiving it I did not quite understand it, but now, in this moment of remembering, I understood.
A pattern  has been revealed, a pattern that stemmed from guilt and causes me to somehow feel that I am not doing enough unless I completely immerse myself into the problem or person, continually trying to fix the situation or rescue the individual involved.
The guidelines I was given to shift this pattern were:
1. Be 100% present and attentive
2. Speak your truth or maintain a dignified silence
3. Keep the focus on what's really important and what really matters
4. Let go of any attachment to outcome 
these 4 steps help keep perspective while remaining compassionately involved and detached at the same time.

Looking back
I can see how God was already preparing me for what was to come.

I went for my morning run...
I broke down and sobbed when I saw Heron take flight in front of me and fly away
my sons' totem holds Heron strongly
he has one visit his almost everyday at his work
I had to let the emotions come and wave over me
and when I was done I looked up to see Eagle
sitting strong in the tree above me
reminding me to stand tall even in my grief
to keep my eye on the bigger picture
and above all
remember I do not walk alone
Spirit gave me this to sing to myself:

Trust walks by my side 
Faith lights my way
Hope keeps my back

Whenever things like this arise I have a tribe of prayer warrioress that I go to
so the texts went out and a few of the responses were
" Mamma told me to pray for you yesterday too"
"You were on my heart early this morning, I guess this is why"
"Will do, if you need to talk, call on me"
When you have a community, often things will begin being laid out even before something has happened.
This is the amazing work of Spirit...when we ask for help
it is given
when we ask for guidance
it is given
it comes in many different ways
and it is a practice to learn the language...
and through this practice the Peace comes in

looking for more guidance I pulled two cards
one for my day
and one for the week

The Lady Bug (for the day)
~This is a time of good fortune and abundance, so be willing to receive all good things in your life
Gratitude is the key to continually receiving good fortune, joy and abundance

Camel (for the week)
~Trust that you have the resources to get through the challenge before you
All the experiences you've had in your lifetime, the challenges you've successfully faced, and the wealth of knowledge you've accumulated can be called on to not only cope with any type of adversity that presents itself, but to help you move forward with courage and determination.

I felt grateful for these words of guidance and encouragement
they were truth I needed to here
and the Peace continued and as I walked through my day
it brought along with it

I took a visit to see a SoulSister
she gave me this to ponder
1) What do you feel you learn or are faced with again and again?
my answer:
The practice of letting go, opening the way for my faithful companions to join me-Trust Faith and Hope
this very morning I wrote in my journal
Trust walks by my side
Faith lights my way
Hope keeps my back

2) How can you reframed your thinking around the pattern in order to bring new perspective?
my answer:
My former pattern was to allow the darkness to consume me...I let it have it's way with me...the good that has come out of this is that I am deeply familiar with it...we go way back : )
But now, in my transformed self I befriend it, embrace it, but never let it become bigger than me.
I realize now through my journey this serves no one
neither darkness or myself.

3) What are the undeniable aspects of you which call for your attention?
my answer:
To not be victim
To stand tall...even if I don't know the way
Even if I don't have the words
I have myself
and only I can keep myself rooted
only I can keep myself standing tall
only I can be true to me...all else will follow
I welcomed this prompt of reflection
it was exactly what I needed
and God again
I sought and found
I asked and was answered
I called out in my grief
and comfort was given

This is why I choose to walk a Spiritual path
for these exact reasons.
I won't lie
when my son left after picking some things up yesterday
(he is staying on a friend couch)
a pain crossed my upper body
wrapping it in the heaviness of grief
Walking a Spiritual Path does not eliminate pain and challenges...those things are a natural part of this human experience
but what it does do is offer you relief and a bigger understanding. It gives you Hope and through that Hope comes a Peace
that passes all understanding
a Peace that surpasses human sense
a Peace that can only come from a Source bigger than us
a Source I happen to call God
Today is another day in my new reality
an enlightening email from a wise sister
and a morning run with the moon on one side of me
and the sun on the other
along with an owl that flew in front of me
and I prayed
"let me see what it is I need to see"

I know this story was long...and I thank you if you have remained
I am indeed The Messenger
and my prayer is you find your message in this story...
that you experience Peace
a Peace that passes all understanding.

Love and Light

note: those images of my son walking away were taken a while back as he was leaving for school
I really did not want you to think I photographed his leaving...


  1. Sending you lots of love on this painful, enlarging journey Cat xx

  2. xoxoxo this will all become peace. all of it. every single breath of this situation will become truth and light and strength. love you, holding you as you move with and through this transition xoxo

  3. Sending you lots of love and light. And feeling kindred too. I too always seem to be faced with the practice of letting go. Its the one thing that challenged me again and again, watching people go. Its so hard but it does teach me that I must rely on God (and me) for the strength I need to stand tall.

  4. Oh friend. I'm so sorry that this has happened this week. I pray that God's plan will become super clear and that His love will override the pain. I can picture the loss felt at the sight of the Heron taking flight. Everytime one of my kids tests it's wings and achieve something closer to that time of independence I feel a dullness. I know that I will be crying buckets when they do eventually leave - but that would be better (I think) than jumping for joy at the thought of it, as I know some do. There is so much love in the nest!

    God and time will heal. Both the dullness you feel, and I pray quickly, the terms he parted on.
    Love and prayers! xx

  5. I ditto the above...all of it was so wise and understanding. Just know I am here and am thinking of you. Already I can see beauty but I also see the pain and it is ok to sit with it. Also love that you realized you feel the need to fix...that is a very crucial realization.

  6. Lots of love and prayers for you, lovely Cat ♥

  7. Your words are incredibly beautiful Cat. Thank you for sharing this journey with us, for me its heartbreaking and encouraging all at know how I feel about that boy! He is beautiful. You have been an incredible mama for him, and it doesn't end, just changes. I guess he really got the key this time:)

  8. I am offering out Love,Strength,Clarity and Forgiveness during this difficult transition. Heart wrenching to even read.
    These words keep playing over in my mind as I have gnawed on commenting.
    “Forgiveness is a huge part of any Healing Process as is the need to remain as non-judgmental as possible."
    Your words, how they speak to me. This stands out like a mirror actually:
    "A pattern has been revealed, a pattern that stemmed from guilt and causes me to somehow feel that I am not doing enough unless I completely immerse myself into the problem or person, continually trying to fix the situation or rescue the individual involved." Yes.
    Thank You for sharing such and a Perspective. Love to You & Yours.

  9. Love where you live geographically - I used to live nearby and visit once in awhile. Love the pictures and the word pictures. I left home at 17 in a cloud of anger and breaking free hussiness, and then returned within a few months to live for free so i could actually make money; then left again under better circumstances; it's a process - like having a baby, but this time the "baby" is an adult being born into a new way of living and interacting with his world (including momma)as an adult - every bit as painful as the first birthing experience, I'm sure, and every bit as rewarding in the years to come. Don't hold him back, or it will go awry. He needs to "become" -

  10. {I pause and send you love right now}
    Your life is bursting at the seams in the most extraordinary ways. I feel the edges of you dissolving into the Larger. It is painful and I admire your honest owning of all the pain in this experience; you said it so well with these words, "Walking a Spiritual Path does not eliminate pain and challenges...those things are a natural part of this human experience
    but what it does do is offer you relief and a bigger understanding". I am tucking these into my heart.
    Peace as you rest in the Deep, in Now. xo

  11. Oh my friend :(


    I wish I was with you to squeeze you and be a "live" support for you on the day this all came... but it sounds like you have a HUGE group of friends to do just that. I love you, and the wisdom that is coming up from you is priceless.
    I understand what you are saying when you say "Walking a Spiritual Path does not eliminate pain and challenges...those things are a natural part of this human experience
    but what it does do is offer you relief and a bigger understanding."
    Yes. I so understand this.
    I love you, and am here for you should you need to talk.
    Your in my heart and in my prayers.

  12. Oh Cat - my tummy kinda hurts after reading this - I just want to give you a hug. This mothering journey does bring sadness at times doesn't it? Thinking of you as you start this new chapter.

  13. I'm sorry I didn't read this before now. *Hugs*

  14. So much expansion happening right here, Cat. Sending big prayers for peace between you and this beautiful boy-man. Thank you for sharing the link and for walking toward the call. You are truly love and light. xo p


Your voice is welcome here, your connection appreciated. Love and Light