It is the last morning of 2012
the snow is gently falling outside my window
the wood stove is crackling
the boys...all of them including the husband
are playing skate 3 on the PS3
enjoying each others company
I am still in my pjs at 10:51 in the morning
sipping on a Starbucks
with no where to be
taking this time
to be with you...
Sounds like perfection doesn't it.
what does that words really mean?
I live a real life
not a post card life
I would say moments like the one that is happening
in my home, while I write this,
are moments that I treasure
in any given moment
it could totally turn upside down...
or go severely sidways.
I have come to learn perfection can be found
even in those upside down moments
is a state of mind
is a choice
perfection is what you choose it to be
although I did not complete and publish my book
as I had hoped
I did complete the first 5 chapters
and will continue that journey this coming year.
There was a lot to learn
living with Vulnerability
Things, I now know, I had to live through
in order to bring that vulnerability
to my story...to my book
There was amazing growth
that came out of this year
Growth I could not have imagined
And the allies that vulnerability brought with her
I would have never known
had I not trusted her
allowed myself to be drawn into her
The road was challenging
and at times I felt stretched to the max
like I had been dragged across the pavement
and sometimes I just wasn't sure it was all worth it
but I choose to continue on...
In this space
my goal was to be as vulnerable as possible
sometimes this was a challenge
was I sharing too much?
was I not sharing enough?
who is reading what I am sharing???
But I was committed
that is comes to an end
I am so glad I was.
This path of Vulnerability
brought me closer to Trust
brought me closer to Faith
brought me closer to Life/Death/Life
bought me closer to myself
and that is my soul purpose
to journey back to self...
my Spiritual Self
and the place from which I came.
Vulnerability walked with me as I traveled deep within
She forced me to go places I did not want to go
but places I needed to walk through
More often than not
I could not see my way clearly
except for the very step I was on.
There were times when I had no idea
where that path would lead
And many times
there seemed to be more dark then light....
Vulnerability taught me that seeing clearly
is not what is important...
continuing the journey, in spite of clouded vision
learning to ask for clear guidance through such times
is essential for a spiritual journey.
Vulnerability taught me that having enough light
for the step I was on
more than enough.
Vulnerability taught me that I did not need to know
where that path lead...
that being where I was
was more important then were I was going.
She showed me that sometimes seeing around the corner
affected the lessons on the path
right in front of me.
She showed me how to accept where I was
right where I was
and not only accept it
but sink into it
to embrace it
to love it
to cherish it.
Vulnerability taught me to further embrace the dark
to further embrace the struggle
to further embrace to fire of life.
She taught me to feel all
and by feeling all
I could embrace all
and by embracing all
I found freedom to Love all.
Vulnerability taught me the importance of Death
the importance to allow something you love
in order for something new
Vulnerability revealed the loving side of grief
She journeyed me through the place of
She showed me
the path is there for all
She told me about the choice
we all have
She made clear to me that in here,
there is untold power
Walking with her has allowed me to release
all things important for me
to write my heart
with no attachment to out come...
Releasing allows Space for new Life
or to allow the Life I already have
to grow that much bigger
Space has been created
with in and without
So much so coming to the end of this year
I made a big decision...
...after 25 years of hairdressing
and 12 years of running my own, very successful
I have closed my doors
A difficult decision to make
as I know what I offer to the women who come
But it is no longer enough for me...
my soaring heart needs more
More writing and a finished book
More healing photography
More time to
facilitate spiritual space for other women
More spiritual space for self
More time Seeds of Love and Hope
More time for Hanna House
MORE TIME FOR MY HEARTS DESIRES
It's a chance I am taking
giving up a steady income
walking away from something that is such
a part of me...
not knowing at all how this coming year will pan out
measuring my success spiritually
instead of monetarily
following spirit not the world
Courage to follow my heart
Courage to bear the fruit
Courage to grow the leaves
Reach my Branches high to the sky
with no fear of judgement
with no chains of oppression
with only Love
wrapped around my soul
This was a gift I received this year
from a very special lady
She could not have known the deep meaning it would hold for me
but when she bought it she trusted her instincts
and saw me in it
There were a few gifts like this, this year
signs to carry me on my way...
This year has been a deep difficult blessing
to my life
I am grateful for all it offered
for every soul it offered
for every gift
I am filled with Trust beyond measure
I have know idea what the future holds
but I am ready.
This song runs deep for me
the heart wrenching love
this is life
We are either doing...or not doing
I choose to do.
Vulnerability taught me how to love
even those thing that are unloveable
to embrace to full package
not just that which is easy
She revealed to me
the Shadow Stalker inside
and gave me clear vision in the dark
and there I found my Perfection
All is beauty
All is spiritual...
Thank you my lovelies
for walking this year out with me
your presence is a gift
You grow me
May 2013 bring more revolution
bring more restoration
bring my re-birth
in all our lives
You are Me
I am You
I love you
I see you
Love and Light