all images and stories are the property of Catherine Beerda-Basso and are not to be used without given permission...thank you

Thursday 10 December 2015

Grief...in this festive holiday season



I feel a responsibility when the people around me
are heavy with grief.
I feel a responsibility when my community 
is lost in sadness and feeling broken.
I feel a responsibility when the world
is crying out for the injustice
that is happening to the innocent.
I feel there is much I need to do
and some of those things are to 
drum, sing and pray...



with two trusted companions
holding an abundance of unconditional love
I walked out,
drum strapped on back
camera around neck
on a Medicine Woman's Quest



To cry to The Mother
and call to The Father
That they would hear my prayers
Listen to my songs
And be moved by the beat of my drum.



I have felt the grief
coming into this festive season.
There is always some
this time of year is not always the happiest
for some.



But this year it feels heavier...
there has been a lot of deaths this year
personally, communally, and globally
we have all felt it.



I had this exchange with a sister-friend this week:

there seems to be a lot of grief coming into this holiday season I feel a call for us to be gentle with ourselves and those around us...I feel like we are being called to grieve and in that grief Divinity is celebrating us in a way of seeing our beautiful raw humanity...we grieve because we love...and love is "the way"...not white processed sugar kind of love, but the love that holds light and dark at once
the kind of love that is found deep in the dark rich soil of the earth
the kind of love found in the celestial sparkle of the winter night sky
the kind of love found in a desert oasis...
Divinity is celebrating our being broken open, pouring our...and our BEING...raw and rough...



her response:
I got the exact info into my heart around 1 pm. thanks you for your validation. moon is in scorpio. death and loss and truth will accompany us but so does the light the moon sheds. i feel kali ma coming in too, to destroy falsity. people not used to allowing the grief to be seen or felt will be very irritable. it could be both a wretched and glorious period...



So I walked and I drummed
I sang and I spoke
I prayed and I sought
I laid my heart out
for those who can not
for those who grief and suffering is too great
for them...
for all of us
I called out.



I prayed the we would be guided...
guided to see that the grief we feel
is a reflection of our love..
that it is not something terrible
but something beautiful...



That even in this time of joyous celebration
of gift giving, family and friends
during this time of religious celebration
and honouring
during this time of ancient ritual 
and remembering
There is room and a place for grief.
That we would know we 
are allowed
to feel and even celebrate our grief with others
that our grief is not meant to isolate
but in fact is meant to open us up to each other
as creatures who love and need love
and that in this divine place
there is no room for shame.



We Grieve because we Love
and I, for one, would live a thousand lives with Grief
because I will not live one life without Love.



I don't know what the grief is that sits in your belly
that weighs on your shoulders
that sits heavy in your heart...
but I do know it matters
I do know it is a reflection of your fragile humanness 
your beautiful, stunning, love filled heart
and it is needed here in this place
for it is what connects us all as humans
no matter what our demographic
our social status
our skin tone or race
our religion or spirituality 
our political views
grief is what binds us
and love is the reflection...
and the antidote.



So I invite you dear soul
during this holiday season
feel it all
be it all
don't leave anything out
don't hide
don't pretend
grieve, love, grieve, love, grieve and then love some more
feel the joy this brings your heart
the honouring of that which you no longer have
feel the rawness of truth
and the beauty of honesty
and know
all this can be side by side.



This is an important time for you
this is an important time for our communities
this is an important time for our world...
So many injustices are happening
and never before have we been so plugged in
this can send fear or it can send empowerment.
I believe by honouring grief one can find empowerment
in what is happening around us
realizing that there is always a choice
that we have a voice...
We can start with our selves...
It can begin with us


for the nakedness that is winter
for the raw exposure of our flesh
for our tears and laughter
for our sorrows and joys
remember in this place where grief meets love
we shine
and show others the way
as the moon reflects off of our nakedness....
and illuminates the path...
in the darkness ~CB



You are not alone in your grief
and in it, I invite you to be brave
for you were made for a time such as these 
and there are many who stand with you
What ever that grief may be, how ever big
so is the love that stands with it
and that my friends
is a lot of Love...
and in love
there can be found Joy
and within joy countless other blessings.
*

Know that I stand with you


Grief in one hand...
and Joy in the other
*
This is how I will walk into 2016...
will you join me?

Love and Light

*if you feel the need, write to me your grief and I will hold it through out this season, in sacred honouring,
 releasing it at years end*

note: the moon has since moved into sagittareaus so all the feelings will be fiery and impulsive and potentially the irritability can turn to rage in those who are unaware



Wednesday 2 December 2015

A Birth Day...

Today
was my Birth Day...
the day I was born...
47 times around the sun
ago...

I decided to do what I wanted
as much as I possibly could
This is what it looked like...

6:50 am
...getting in the vehicle I was given these

7am
...at the dyke to watch the sun rise
no image
too dark

7:15 am
...light finally breaks 
and I am not alone




7:30 am
...not a spectacular sunrise
but beautiful all the same





8 am


8:30 am
...paper work for my man


10:30 am
...a Body Wisdom learning & healing session with
 Jill Clifton of Luminous Muse Healing


1:00 pm
...picked up my favorite wine for later


1:30 pm


2:00 pm
...cleaning out the bay window for Christmas Decor



3:10 pm
...parent, teacher, student conference


4:00
...picked up some gluten free treats for later


5:30




6:30
...47 with mom and son


7:30
...lights done...glass of wine...pj time


8:00 pm
...door to door delivery


8:30 pm
...long distance calls


9:30 pm
...the village is not getting completed tonight


10:00pm
Jessica Jones 

11:30 pm
...sitting down with a glass of wine
to read emails and FB messages


taking the time to read each one
savouring the love sent
because I know
it takes a village
and I belong to a tribe.

One for who I am most grateful for...

Happy Birth Day 
to me


Love and Light

Thursday 5 November 2015

Holy Grief...


Last week I made a choice
to stand
to dance
to sit
to be
in my grief.
Life holds grief within it's threads...
None go with out an encounter with grief
 It is my observation
that our culture is not great with grief
It is my observation 
that our culture is not "interested" in grief 
It is my observation
that our culture does not honour grief
or hold it as the sacred map that it is...
a scared map to our hearts greatest love.

So with-in the sacred container of In Her Skin
with the lovely Stacey De La Rosa  
and the lovely Isabel Faith Abbott 
as our guides and space holders
myself along with many other brave souls
encountered our grief for a full 7 days...
and this was some of the results.




My Grief

My grief sits in my rib cage
Holding on to my ribs as a prison holds on to her prison bars
My grief rests on my heart
Moving with its rhythms not missing a beat
My grief is in my hands
Held, Caressed and Felt every time something brushes up against it
My grief is on my face
Lines in my skin, marking the path on which it dragged itself across me
My grief resonates in my hips
It is here is lifts me up, awakens me to truth, allows me to see

My grief is the hot lava flow and the ice cold mountain stream
It slams into me like the ocean against the rocks
And it gently touches me like a falling feather

My grief wants a voice and needs to be heard
Pouring out as I listen with deep intent
My grief longs to be held
Rocked in my arms as my tears spill out upon it
Washed in my salty tears it feel acknowledge and seen
Naked
In my Grief
I stand in this place
Deeply needing to give this attention
I have traveled a long way to be here
This place is not lost on me
Sacred and Holy
This honouring of Grief
My body is weary from the journey
and I need rest
I need space to breathe…
to breathe into and with
the grief that resides in my body
so that we might sing together
My grief and I
That we might make sacred sound
beautiful music
about the truth of us
our truth
our beautiful,
luminescent,
hideous truth….

~Catherine Beerda-Basso
Oct. 26, 2015
 *

 Indulge


She lays across me

Taunt

Thin

Ever present

Seen

But not seen

Felt

But not felt

She is a part of my being

Thick with emotion

And yet…



Grief

It calls me to give her voice

It calls me to be held and acknowledge

I felt I had

But Grief whispers

“Indulge…

Indulge in me and heal your past

Indulge and learn new ways

Indulge and know your Self deeper”



I heard a wise man say these words,

“The cradle of your life…is death.” ~Stephen Jenkinson

Grief concurs

She tells me the cradle of my life is Her

It is in Her I find what matters to me the most

It is in Her I find my deepest heart desires.



Like shards of glass she moves up my throat

I try to swallow her down and

I can’t decide if it hurts more to swallow her

Or let her come up



She whispers

“What if you just let me come…

what would happen if you allowed me up

and out…

The worst has already happened hasn’t it?

For I am already here.”



Indulge.



To indulge in my grief…

To allow it to come and be with me fully.



This Grief that I speak of has been with me for a life time

It is long suffering

It is thread to my tapestry

Beautiful golden and silver thread

Woven in and out of my life line…my story.

I’ve lived with it

I’ve managed it

I’ve tucked it away

for a time such as this

~The Season of Death~

for her to come up and stand before me

reminding me

that she is still here.



Indulge

Allow

Find your answers

in your grief

Find your story

in your sobs

Find your transformation

in your tears



It becomes so that I am unable to decipher

if it is I who is holding her

or if it is she who is holding me…

The vision between us is blurred

as we move back and forth

in these waves of emotion

So much so I feel myself release

and let go.



Indulge



Yes I will Indulge

And I will honour

For what was, has made me

molded me

shaped me

And there are those things that I miss

Times that I long for

Dreams that have died

They all deserved to be honoured

To be acknowledged

To be grieved for



So together

She and I

We enter into this dance

Slow and steady

Moving fluidly as one



She and I



Loving

Breathing

Honouring

Living



Indulging



~Catherine Beerda-Basso 
Oct. 28-2015
*

 

This is what I thought...this is how I saw myself most of my life...damaged goods...after loads of healing work, I don't feel that way anymore, but the residue remains and I have to say it felt really honouring and honest to collect this image...My husband wrote the words and collected the image for me...bless him...he did not fully understand why I wanted to do this, and it was hard for him to write the words...of course he knows my story and it has pained his heart...he has stood by me as I came back to life...interesting thing is as soon as I lay down and he started shooting, he got it, he understood....that in itself meant so much to me.
Damaged Goods
I hold that part of me that felt that way
I honour her, stand with her, wipe her tears and hold her hand
  she was a bad ass warrior...feeling the way she did and still facing life both barrels blazing
bloody and battered she fought on
wild and sometimes even mad
but she got me here
and for that
for that I am ever
and forever
grateful
Oct, 30-2015 
*
 "Grief is not static. It wanders and roams...it torments and demands and leaves us tossed up on the shore, exhausted and grateful after all these years, for solid ground." ~In Her Skin

"Trusting my body is not something that simply walked in the door one day. it is a daily practice."
~Stacey De La Rosa


 
Walking the Grief Lands


...and when I circle back
from walking the grief lands of my being
I see my Self
Wholly
and Holy
For I am The Medicine
I am Sacred space
I am the Alter of my Life
All I need is within me
stitch inside me when I came to be by Love
Yes
there were forces that tried to separate me from this Love
It confused me
seduced me
tormented and taunted me
lured me away from the Truth
about who I was...who I am
But
no matter how far I was pulled
no matter how far I strayed
the Love never left me
Even though it felt lost to me
in the darkness of my suffering
it remained
and always will...
I am the Medicine
I am Sacred Space
I am the Alter of my Life
every piece of me an offering
every piece of me a sign of a real life lived
every piece of me a reflection of Divinity
and so I remain...  
  
~Catherine Beerda-Basso
 Nov.2 2015
 *

November 3 2015
This week was a gift...
it was 
cleansing, 
purifying 
and 
heart breakingly
beautiful.
I was especially moved by the call to Indulge
to Indulge in my grief
to take from her
and learn more about me...
 and this life I am living

Grief is a Gift

Love and Light