They say that home is where the heart is
then I say I have more than one heart
One lies here
in the home I know
the home where the children of my flesh grow
the home where I care for and nurture them
the home where my marriage thrives
the home I have created, poured into and treasured
The other lies here
it's a place of squatters
shacks put together from scraps
cracked walls and unfinished windows
ratty tarps and discarded tin
all, precariously placed on a mountain side
with hopes that they don't wash away
the smell of raw sewage
flows down a dirty creek bed
yet homes are neat and tidy
girls dress to impress
and boys want to look like men
this is where my other heart lies
with children
who learn how to survive
through any means possible
who look curiously into your face
wondering where it is you came from
and when it is you will be back
children who love to be held
who love to hold you back
children who laugh, run and play
children who bed in shacks at night
with uncertain futures
uncertain lives
who live one moment to one moment
one day to one day...
my heart remains...
As I sit in my own beautiful home this morning
arriving early
in the dark
of this day
I am happy to be here
I am grateful for what it is I have
I am reminded to remain simple
in my longings
for me this is good
I embrace my boys
so happy to see their beautiful faces
they are my everything
my home
with all it's many comforts
I give thanks for
I know I am blessed
*
And yet
I have tears
for those I have left behind
my many friends
my many children
who have captured my heart
not through words or things
but with something much deeper
*
*
Today one heart is full
and one heart is broken
I am not sure who I am in this place
my chest hurts
with this truth
and grief in upon me
...but I trust
I trust in That which is bigger than myself
that in the days to come
I will recognize myself
once again
*it is good to be home*
Love and Light
*holding you close* as you transition between worlds and hearts. Welcome home, sister. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteWelcome home Cat. Whispering prayers for you and your hearts today.
ReplyDeletexo
Welcome home Cat xxx
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman who has guided me from from a distance
Love and Light
From one Cat to another xxx
I felt that way for a long time after Nicaragua. It is more of a culture shock coming home after such poverty. I still love toilet paper every time I use it because of that trip. I still have part of my heart broken. I guess it gets carried along for the rest of the journey? I am glad you are home safe. I love that picture of you- I have never seen a head on picture of you before- You are gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteLove
Am glad your back - both full and broken. It keeps us real and humble! What a blessing it would have been for those you were able to outreach to and give time to there.
ReplyDeleteI so know what you mean. This place here is well planted in my heart and when we go home I will be both glad and heart broken about it.
You are goodness, Cat. xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteSo glad to have you back in this space. I totally understand being broken. My chest hurts too. And I also know that trusting in Him is all we have xx
ReplyDeleteOh my friend.... torn indeed... torn doesn't even describe... I am really speechless...wet faces, and just here. I love you. Welcome home. Take it slow. xoxo
ReplyDeleteLoving your heart my friend and glad you are 'home'!
ReplyDeleteSuch grace in your words. Oh the travels you have had and to hear the stories you share. Love getting lost in your words.
ReplyDeleteGood to have you home. Amen to the two hearts...the sadness and gladness all in one. Hard to describe but you have captured it so perfectly. And what a wonderful witness of love you have been xx
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