On Suffering.....

Suffering...

a word I am very familiar with...

an action I have felt more times than I care to count
something that the religion I was brought up in
perpetuated

a feeling I came to believe I needed

and that without it

I was not moving ahead

that it was only in the suffering

that I would find the healing.

It is now in my mid life

that I no longer believe this to be true

It is not that there is no suffering

or challenge in my life

there is

always

It is what I signed up for

when I decided to "do"this human life.

This life does hold 

pain

struggle

challenge

and 

suffering

There are those things

beyond my control

that season my life with

these things

BUT 

no longer do I seek suffering out

no longer do I feel that I need to suffer

no longer do I believe that it is only through suffering

that I will find my healing

There is Gain with out Pain.

There is Grace without Death.

There is Love without Heartbreak.

I have come to a place in my soul journey

where I see that refinement will come to me

on it's own,

I just need to be present.

As long as I am engaging in my journey

playing an active part

Spirit will bring me what I need

always

and in all ways.

There has been times when I have experienced

deep healing

and life changing letting go

in dream time.

Have gone to sleep feeling one way

and woken up free of that feeling. 

I have felt The Healers hands touch the broken parts of me

transforming them slowly and methodically

while I do nothing...

while I

just 

Be.

I don't have to throw myself into the pit of disppair

to "prove" my willingness

I do have to love myself

wholey

fully 

completely.

I don't have to carry guilt around 

like a flag

I do have to carry myself

as the Sacred Alter that I am.

I don't have to carry the brick of shame

heavy on my back

in order to keep me hunched over

close to the earth

 No...

instead my guardian angel

would sooner have me

fly with her in the heavens

singing Divinities praises

and when she brings me back to earth

she has me stand tall

heart open

eyes lifted

Proud of who I am

in The Spirit

Lessons come

it is the way of this life

 Freedom Is

that is the Truth of this Life

I am already Free

no need to suffer

no need to stumble around in the dark

because the lantern

is in my hand.

This topic of Suffering

came up recently in my online intensive bootcamp

with Raven and Pixie Campbell

a place to strengthen and recognize

our own Sacred Voice.  

 Here are some words

about suffering

 from two of my wise, inspiring sisters:

Rose D. wrote:

"When I journeyed with Raven to the Light at first we just sat on the ground looking at each other. Nothing happened. I said (in my non-verbal journey way) something to the effect of "C'mon already." Raven walked over to me and pecked at my chest right between my heart and throat. I looked down to see an orb of light there. Raven let me know to take it out of my body. Suddenly, there were other people around us and I knew I was to give this light to as many people as wanted it. Some received the light, others turned away. I watched as the light I shared was shared again and again. Finally I left the ground and rose high above the earth. From there I saw the light spreading all over the globe. Bright, healing white light. From me. Or through me, rather.
My messages from Raven have all been so affirming. I am learning that soul work does not always have to be dark and painful. This is hard medicine for me to accept. I am accustomed to struggle. I am used to feeling like I need to be fixed or improved or healed in some way before my life can begin. Raven says enough of that. And so I have this tattoo now as a reminder of the light Raven revealed to me. From my heart, rising to my throat. I'm ready to live."

Me:this struggle that you speak of, oh do I know it well and that too came up for me while walking and talking with Raven...as a child I decided that struggle was part of my life, that in order to get anywhere there would be pain and suffering...not so, not so at all....not to say things aren't a challenge and that there is not suffering or pain in this world, because there is...but to know that i have a choice to not seek suffering out in order to feel I am "doing something" healing something, shifting something...some of my deepest healings have come during the night as I sleep...and I have done nothing...only asked......it is wonderful and so freeing to know that that time has passed and no longer does that have to be our way....Love and Light Lovely xox

Rose:YES!! My thought has been that if it doesn't hurt, I'm not doing it right. I resisted the medicine in my journey, thinking I was somehow taking the easy way out or some such nonsense. Everything in the universe is pushing me out of the shadows. The same message everywhere. It cannot be denied anymore. To do so would be a harmful self-indulgence. I'm frankly terrified at what comes next. But there's no going back now. I've got Raven cawing at my throat;)

Me:Exactly Rose! I have so felt these same things...if there is no pain, I am taking the easy way out...no pain no gain bullshit! Everything has to be hard....lol makes me laugh actually now, so silly because when I put that in the context of my children is that what I would tell them??? No way! I came to find that indeed the shadow and I have been stitched together, but not in the way I thought...I found out I was Owl...The Light Bringer, not afraid of the dark, not afraid to expose the "demons" that lurk around in the dark igniting fear in those who encounter them....that is the relationship between shadow and me...not that I am to dwell there, but that I am skilled there....Yes! no going back sister...I beautiful marking to remind you of that truth!

Rose:Ooh, that resonates deeply with me. Skilled in the shadows, but not meant to dwell there. Yes! 

Toi Lynn shared these words:

  

"No pain no gain... A myth created by someone who loved to watch others struggle. The "meat hook" of life is painful enough. Suffering is optional. Mine has been a sweet easy journey this time. Peaceful. I kept checking in..... Am I avoiding? Am I staying on the outside? No. I know the answer is No. My empowered answer is No to hard work at this time and Yes to flow and ease and Being.
I just went through several years of Kali transformation .... Burn, baby, Burn! That was my motto for 2013. Chaos and loss and rapid change, hilarity and WTFs ensued.
Just 3 weeks ago I landed here, home, finally home. Hard work to get here - here is Kauai, on the ocean, north shore. Mama ocean with me constantly. Speaking, Teaching me so many things already. I'm crying when I write this. So that is my truth. What a relief to feel that I am home now. I'm home and can rest and have ease and peace and deepen my creativity and get back my health. I'll take it as long as I can get it, thus time of light. Because that is life. Not a peaceful pool but waves, up and down.
BTW, my final journey with Raven. I found myself running in a field of grass, wearing a leopard wrap. Next to a leopard. Laughing. She ran with me towards the sacred Twin Rocks (Raven called it Two Sisters... interesting) in Navajo country. When I entered a cavern, leopard bowed out and Raven flew up and snipped my leopard wrap off. Laughing right along with me. Always wants me to be comfortable naked and to be seen as I really am. Two other ravens dropped a kimono on me of soft black velvet and silk with effervescent colors. Not vibrant. But subtle. I thought.... It's like me. I am a softer sort of leader, doing my work as I am, not trying to be anyone else. I'm not a peacock or Phoenix in appearance or style. And that is ok. Enough. I am Enough. I Am. I walked to nearby fire and sat as it got dark. Ravens sat with me in quietness. Just enjoyed the peaceful fire and the quiet. Absolute Stillness. Watching. Breathing. Being."

These sisters words resonate deeply with me
along side my own.
Suffering is no longer what I seek...

I seek spiritual enlightenment

I seek heart joy and soul living

I seek the treasures of the Spirit

I seek the peace that passes all understanding

I seek my Self

Love and Light