Who are you NOT to?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 ~Marianne Williamson

I facilitated one of my Stillness in Nature retreats

this past weekend 

it was an amazing, beautiful, Spirit filled time....

The quote above was part of the

"Wisdom Bible"

that I put together for the participants.

It was a quote one of the women had not heard before

and it touched her deeply

She has gone ahead in the book and was reading through

the material and had come across it.

When she read it she felt as though 

it had been written for her.  

We discussed this truth of how we make ourselves small, 

and insignificant in a way to

play it safe.

We talked about how being awake, or enlightened 

does not necessarily

make life easier....

in fact often it causes disharmony and  unsettleness.

      

"Make no mistake about it--enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment in the crumbling away of untruth. It is seeing through the facade of pretense. It's the complete eradication of everything we thought to be true."

~ AdyaShanti

This discussion prompted me to share, with the ladies
 the following story 

From The Hillside
that I now share with you....

It is Thursday night...our third night in Colombia,

and we are returning from taking

two of our angels and their husbands out for dinner.

A gesture of our love and appreciation for the work

they are doing and what they are taking care of

at the center.

Karina is 23 and our administrator

I also dubbed her "the Keeper of The Stories"

as she was a huge contributor to my gathered knowledge.

Vivanna is our other angel...31 and a strong mother figure

to the children at our center.

She runs the after school programs and tutoring

 we offer our kids.

Their commitment is awe-inspiring.   

This would be my first night of break down

the first night when the tears flowed beyond my control

the night those words would pierce my own soul ...

"Who are you not to?"  

Through talking with Karina and Vivviana

  earlier that day

I gathered that one of our girls

Jorlee

12 years old

was being sexually molested by her 27 year old brother

she has not even had her first moon yet...

and to make matters closer to home 

her mother works in our kitchen

and was in denial about the situation.

 A universal human condition

denial

I found through the stories I gathered

that no matter where you live

no matter what colour your skin

no matter what social demographic  

you are part of

no matter what social class you live in

human beings react the same

to those things they are not able to face

and 

DENIAL

becomes the tool to dealing.

Once I had heard the story

in all it's versions

I knew there was only one thing to do...

 I would have to talk with the mother.

I took this picture of me

because I wanted to remember this night
The night when my insides turned out
and something changed forever inside me.
You see I sat in my own doubt
I questioned if I had the "right" to confront this mother
and not confront her in a judgmental way
no not that
for she herself is a victim
as abuse like this
in a place like this
is
more often than not
generational
this I knew...

No I did not want to confront thru judgement
 I wanted to wake her up with Love's Truth
and in my room
late that night

I questioned this and doubt sat beside me
my own insecurities came to visit  
and for a few minutes
I questioned myself and my roll....
for this was all
very personal to me
But then in the mist of my confusion 
it came
The Voice
The one the comes from inside of us
but is yet beyond us
She said
"Who are you not to do this Catherine?"

Yes
Who was I not to do this?
And so as the tears streamed down my face
I pulled out a Prayer of Hope
and re-fused myself with Divine Truth
   

Great Spirit Prayer

A Native American Prayer by Lakota Sioux Chief Yellow Lark

Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
Whose breath gives life to all the world.
Hear me; I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty,
and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice
Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Help me to remain calm and strong
in the face of all that comes towards me.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
Help me seek pure thoughts and act with the intention of helping others.
Help me find compassion without empathy overwhelming me.
I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy
- Myself (My fears and my doubts).
Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you without shame

(translated in 1877)      
That moment of decision changed something 

deep with in me

I did talk with Jorlees mom

It was uncomfortable and alien

when I began
and I had know idea what I was going to say

but I was not alone

and as the words began to flow

the awkwardness dispersed 

and I spoke

my heart to hers

mother to mother

abuse over-comer to abuse survivor  

And all those with me poured love on her

not judgment.

Our hope was to empower her.

To remind her of who she is to her children

that no matter how bleak...

they trust her

they need her

they look to her

to show them the way...

Who was she not to take a stand for her daughters? 

There is more to this story, but for here

it is enough.

* 

And so I ask you

my lovelies...

who are you not to

follow your heart?

to shine your light?

and to share your love?

Love and Light