all images and stories are the property of Catherine Beerda-Basso and are not to be used without given permission...thank you

Thursday, 15 December 2011


No pretences.
This is what I offer pretence....meaning~ a false reason or explanation that is used to hide the real purpose of something.

This space is my heart

This space holds my stories
my experiences
my truths
my revelations
my perspective's not for everyone
and thats okay 
I Trust that those this space would matter to
will find me...
Today I want to share a story with you about something that happened this week...well it really started over the weekend with a phone call, 
it went something like this....
"Hey it's Yvonne. Just wondering if you could  come sometime to do Alice's hair. 
She is not doing so good...pause... 
She would just like to have it styled.
Let me know."
How am I going to fit that in?
I'll figure it out.
Morning comes and it is on my list of things to do.
The phone rings.
"Yes, yes of course I can do that. 
What is Alice's number?
I will call there and text you as to when I am going."
the text:
Hey, going there tomorrow at 11:00.
gonna need to have to cancel lunch with you
just too busy

No problem
me too
probably be at there
fixing the garbarater

Its a clear winter morning
no rain today.
I feel it in my chest as I pack up my things to go and do Alice's hair.
How bad will she be?
What will Ian be like?
What will be the mood in the home?
I let the questions come in and out
I don't pay too much mind to them
it is what it is.

I find their place no problem
and I wonder if Yvonne is there
as I get out of the truck and walk up to the door.

I ring the bell...
Ian answers the door.
The house is still and immediately
through the pleasantries of our greetings
I see him
His emotions press upon my heart
and I see the boy with in him
I see the uncertainty
I feel the loss
Like a little boy, who has lost his dog....

I go to the kitchen to set up my things
tools are on the kitchen counter
things are being repaired
John, Yvonne's husband
has gone to get some parts...
"Is Yvonne here?"

Ian has gone to get Alice.
I wait in anticipation...
And then she is there,
coming in with the helping hand of her husband
and her daughter in law
my friend
walking behind her.
The moment I see Alice, I know
I know she is already some where the rest of us are not.

She is Luminous. 
I am enveloped in her beauty.
There is an instance of shock in seeing the frailty of her body
but shock is quickly replaced with an awe
being in the presence of such Spiritual radiance.

I walk over to her and give her a hug
She accepts it willingly
She is aware of every moment
She is more alive than she ever has been
And yet
most of us in the room know
Alice's time is slowing.
My eyes meet those of my friend.
We share this knowledge
her and I
the knowledge of loss
the knowledge of seeing someone cross over
you never forget
once you have been
you immediately recognize it.
And in the moment our eyes meet,
I know lunch is back on....
whatever I felt was so important no longer exists
it disappears 
into the reality of the fragility of life
the fine line between living and dying.

Alice tells me that this time,
her body will not win the fight.
I tell her I think she looks beautiful...
like an angel.
She graciously accepts.
There is a laugh about how it took her sudden prognosis to get the garbarater fixed...
1 1/2 years it has been since it stopped working
only 4 weeks since the doctors visit
she will probably never use the garbarater
and no one will forget the doctor's words.

As I blow dry her hair I am swept away
into the reality of the situation...
the familiarity of it
like a jacket I used to wear, but has been put away
for quite sometime.
And then I begin to see them
those who are waiting for her
Yvonne's mom and dad are there....
and there is others
that I don't know
I tell them I can not pay attention to them
because I will not be able to keep it together if I do.
And I feel her
The Angel of Death
we have been acquainted, her and I 
today she is a her and there she is
in the farthest corner of the room
She is beautiful
flowing robes fall around her
light blue
translucent colours
white light
and peace
a great peace across her face
"This is now God and Alice's time," She says to me.
For they have already spoken
Alice and God
and she will stay until she is ready to go...
it is her choice
it is 

the in between....

I cry on the way to the pub
this was such a gift for me
to be there
with Alice
such a gift
I am filled with gratitude
my heart is bursting out of my chest
to be in the presence of a Soul about to leave the body
there are no words to describe
the honour one feels
the closeness to Divinity
like the breathe that hangs on a frosty morning
or a starry winters night
Beauty beyond beauty

We had lunch
it was good
both marinating in the now
remembering the before
and looking forward to the later
a gift

an even greater one.

Joining up with Sadee here 

Love and Light

in the busy season
embrace the ones you love
don't get caught up in that which does not matter
hold on to that which does
Life is but a fine, sparkling thread
we need that reminder

part two found here


  1. this made me cry so much...

    i love love love your description of the angel of death...just this year i have embraced the femaleness of God but i've not extended that concept fully to such angels, too... i'm so glad you had this experience and have shared it for us. what a sacred, sacred moment.

  2. Oh Cat.. the tears are pouring down my face. I have never read anything as beautiful and real and loving as what I have just read here in your space. I'm going to have to reread when I've gathered myself. Such a beautiful you, to share went straight into me and this is one thing I will never forget... these words that you placed lovingly into this place for all of us to delve deeply in the knowing. xo

  3. This was heart searing beautiful. You are so right. Christmas is a reminder to take stalk of the things that really matter.
    Sending love to you today.
    I'm glad you were there.

  4. Oh you amazing woman; what a gift to read this.
    A little speechless, a suddenly damp cheek.

  5. Your words, as ever so full bring me to my knees with this post. Moments and Wisdom.

  6. Cat - my friend who sees angels - they are messengers like you. Thank you for sharing this beautiful experience with us. Thinking of death as a gift, as something beautiful is so different then what we normally think...but why shouldn't it be all those things?

  7. Hi my Irish...I was suspended in the "in between" as I was reading...enveloped in feelings of stillness, resolve (there is no plan of action left...there is just being now), but also...still so characteristically human of me, such deep sadness and heaviness in knowing that the earthly separation is so near...what a reminder to slllooowww it right down, to soak each other in, to not hurry,figet or spazz out..Life being a gift and Death even a greater one - these words are packed with so much meaning for me today! Isn't God absolutely amazing? To love us this much!!!! Be blessed, lovely

  8. I don't know how I missed this, but it's absolutely beautiful.
    My Blog


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