all images and stories are the property of Catherine Beerda-Basso and are not to be used without given permission...thank you

Friday 19 October 2012

Shadow-Stalking the One who Betrayed...SouLodge

In the Shadows
lurks our shame
In the Shadows 
hides our deepest pain
In the Shadows
lies our true name...
~Catherine Beerda-Basso



Shadow-Stalking
the art of going deep
and unfolding those things
that hold you back from being
your true-whole self...
This is what my sisters and I
 are doing this month
in SouLodge.
*
I wanted to share with you 
one of my shadows that I discovered
this past week while doing
my soul work
this one was
larger than life
never had I looked at it this way
I knew it had been a part of my life
and I knew the effects it had caused
but I never saw how I really felt about it
I had accepted it
and thought I had moved on
never seeing the "file" in which I had placed it
in my deep dark psyche
I never saw it as one of my Betrayers...
*



Religion...

Religion saw in me the Light it longed for
Saw in me the Love it needed....wanted
Saw in me the pure innocence of being
Saw in me the Longing to be connected
into something bigger than myself
Saw in me the hunger to be Free
Saw in me the determination 
to live...
not hidden, 
but out in the open
for all to see

Religion saw in me Compassion and Knowing
saw in me the Deep Magic that was there
before time began
Saw in me Life Times of 
Freedom Fighting...
a Soul that was constant and true



Religion saw in me all that it feared
saw in me all that would transform it
to something else
and so
it tried to steal my Essence
it tried to trample my Being
it tried to stomp out my Knowing
it tried to take my Freedom
it tried to rape my Love
it tried to cover my Individuality
it tried to break my Spirit



it tried
it tried 
and it tired again
and sometimes
I conceded
too tired
too inexperienced
too exhausted and 
longing for peace
I would give in
So it would stop slamming up against me
So it would stop making me feel less then
So it would quiet the voices



But it would never last...
and soon
My bright eyes would shine
My heart would need to soar
My feet grew roots that longed for 
the deep rich soil of Mother Earth
and I needed to respond
I could not deny the pull
I could not deny The Voice...



The Voice that comes in stillness
that holds the Love of the World
The Voice that gently guides me
Back to my place of Holy
Back to the place prepared for me
Back to my spiritual Home
Where there is no one hanging on the cross
And where the blood and horror has been replace by 
Love and Light
Back to the place where I was created to serve
Back
Back
Back
The Voice is always call me back
The Voice is always calling you back



Religion
my Betrayer
Born by man
Fed by fear
Nurtured by control...
I forgive you
As we stand now
face to face
You my Shadow
Me your Light
I forgive you
and
thank you
For it was you 
who pushed me Back
you who sharpened my edge
you who burned off the residue
you who helped keep my longing alive
you are not what I long for 
and yet
it is through you
that I know what it is I am longing for
what it is 
I am going back to...
*



there is  such a freedom found in Embracing 
that which has hurt us
it does not need you "take it on"
it is about acceptance and letting go
you can only let go of something
after you have accepted it is there...
*
seeing religion as my betrayer
and not the people involved in the religion
as my betrayers
has made my view that much clearer
there has been so much hurt and heart ache
tied up into this one thing
and now
seeing it with new eyes
those past hurts and pains
the ones I just accepted
are falling away
and a renewed sense of freedom 
has come upon me...
a shift in perspective
a facing of ones shadows
doing the work
these things
can set you free

What is it you are going back to my Lovelies?
What shadows are pushing you there?

Love and Light

15 comments:

  1. Yes, this shadow speaks to me as well, loud and clear, and over the centuries, as you describe.

    This is beautiful and very powerful Cat. Thank you.

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  2. Religion or social conditioning -the thoughts,beliefs,values that are forced on a man by his fellow man, without letting her find her own path, own roots,own consciousness...that is why perhaps we {as you said }try to steal our Essence, trample our Being, stomp out our Hope, cover our Individuality, etc...for the fear of being alienated...
    And I agree, yes, by admitting and accepting our discomfort we can set our self free.
    As somebody said " don't hate the sinner, hate the sin"...people are foolish sometimes, ignorant...but more than that it is their common thought process and social values which drives them to commit sins like crime and prejudice...we have to understand that deeply and instead of branding them as "bad" people we have to create an alternative reality, a alternative and more peaceful path, which is opposite to their negative/biased thought process.

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  3. Mmmmmm mmmmmm... beautiful! YES YES YES! I resonate with so much shared, Cat... your view of religion and not the people.. how religion "tried to" steal all the beauty and gift that you are... the conformity and the release of realizing God never asked us to do that.. that religion was NOT His idea.. woo hoo, gf! Powerful words... just powerful..

    I hear what you are saying about our shadows, our deepest pain being our greatest teacher. Having gratitude for my hurts and shadows has been a part of coming to peace within me. Peace comes and floods when we will dare to walk through the emotions, dare to look at the roots/shadows/pain that has rooted itself in our hearts... freedom is birthed from those spaces and. it. is. glorious. Beautiful! I am buzzing with excitement for you.. this post is electric... so looking forward to this journey with you!

    xoxoxo

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  4. Oh Cat. I can't even express how close this runs, even under my own skin and through (HUGELY) my own shadows. Aho sister.

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  5. we all have our shadows so so true. although we hold different viewpoints here, different shadows, I honour your journey. You are so so beautiful inside and out. xoxoxo

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  6. Oh Cat how I wish I was there with you xxx I've faced some massive betrayals this year.
    Parcel coming your way this week xxx

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  7. This is my favourite part!!!
    Religion
    my Betrayer
    Born by man
    Fed my fear
    Nurtured by control...
    I forgive you
    As we stand now
    face to face
    you my Shadow
    Me your Light
    I forgive you
    and
    thank you
    For it was you
    who pushed me Back
    you who sharpened my edge
    you who burned off the residue

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  8. P.s. I really loved this and was hit by it. I completely walked there and still do some times. Thanks for your lovely shadow sharing

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  9. Yes, I'm understanding this post, it is oh too painfully poignant!

    Happy weekend to you. x

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  10. Oh, how this resonates so deeply with me. Such a beautiful post, Cat. My experience with religion was a part of my journal this week, as well.

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  11. this is beautiful...

    i love this so much:

    Religion saw in me all that it feared
    saw in me all that would transform it
    to something else
    and so
    it tried to steal my Essence
    it tried to trample my Being
    it tried to stomp out my Hope
    it tried to take my Freedom
    it tried to rape my Love
    it tried to cover my Individuality
    it tried to break my Spirit


    yes yes yes.

    i'm so glad you have been able to face and forgive this, your Betrayer and the poor dear souls ~ "they know not what they do" ~ there is so much freedom now, isn't there! the moving on unencumbered, the deep love...welcome to coming alive.
    much love to you.
    <3

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  12. this was utterly powerful....Aho Cat,
    XO

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  13. oh wow - an amazing and powerful post~ this especially resonated with me - ("there is such a freedom found in Embracing
    that which has hurt us
    it does not need you "take it on"
    it is about acceptance and letting go
    you can only let go of something
    after you have accepted it is there...") brilliant!

    thanks Cat ~ you have been an awesome supporter through all the ridiculous harassment I've had to deal with lately. xo
    And yes, comments are open, although now moderated, I continue to give the option to my readers of commenting directly to my email only, since the obviously disturbed troll knows no boundaries - including following my readers and friends back to their own blogs and leaving creepy comments. While it's funny to some, it's just plain frightening to others, and I totally respect their desire for privacy.
    There are a lot of whack jobs out there, unfortunately for me, the only attacks I've had in over 6 years of blogging began with one niece. We can't choose our family, but we can most certainly set healthy boundaries and omit them and their personal problems from our own lives - as hatchling and I have done for our own safety.

    thx again, you rock!

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  14. Love this. I think any christian can identify to some extent. And I love that you define the difference between people and religion. Again, a beautiful provoking heart felt post xx

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  15. Your are speaking my words. Still working on dealing with this shadow and now contemplating it as a betrayer. Thanks for sharing your journey my friend!

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Your voice is welcome here, your connection appreciated. Love and Light