a little something...my family part three

(Nate holding his new little brother Aiden 2003)

I want to tell you that time became the greatest gift of all. Time allowed us to ebb and flow, growing, shifting and shaping to our new normal, our new family. One particular time that stands out for me was a time when John was late in picking Nathen up. I was feeling inconvenienced because I had to drive to a meeting location so I was already annoyed, and then he was late on top of it! Of course I held the anger inside, as Nathen was there, and our exchange was pleasant, and John did apologize for being late. But I drove away angry, like spitting nails angry. Oh the things that were rattling around in my head were not so nice. Then my Spirit quietly asked me why I was so angry with John. She softly pointed out to me that I was so easily angered by what he did and I never really gave him a chance. She told me that I was still holding on to things from the past and as long as I did that he would never be able to be redeemed in my eyes. She told me clearly that as long as I continued to carry this anger, we would never have a chance to move forward.

That was hard to take, but the words couldn't have been truer. We all let each other down now and again. I had to look at it as if it was someone else being late and how would I react. I looked at my reaction and I saw that I wasn't being fair or just in anyway. If it had been Steve, my husband, I may have said something, but let it go. It certainly would not have progressed to a place of spitting nails anger. It was another big learning lesson for me that allowed a release to happen in our growing relationship.

(Thanksgiving Breakfast 2010)

Eventually John and Danika moved into our suburb and in fact moved just blocks away form us. This allowed us to spend a lot more time with each other. We started by focusing on having family dinners once a week. Sometimes it wasn't feasible due to scheduling but we did our best. We started doing more family activities together as well, attending Nathen's events together and they even came to some of our younger son, Aiden's events. As we did more and more things together our family began to solidify. Even for our friends around us, people started to get used to all of us as a package deal. Steve and my friend's kids even started calling John John-Dad, the name we use to refer to him.

Both Nathen and Aiden have come to us with very interesting questions over the past few years.

Nathen once asked,

“If Steve is my step-dad does that mean John-Dad is Aiden's step-dad?”

Aiden just asked me the other day,

“Is John-Dad my uncle?”

I responded to him with a smile,

“No.”

He then asked,

“Then why do you say that he is our family.”

I explained to him,

“ Family is more than just blood or marriage. Because John-Dad is Nates dad that makes him a part of our family. And because you are Nates brother that makes you a part of John-Dad and Danika's family. So put us all together we are one big family!”

He totally got it. To him, he knows nothing else. His favourite place to stay when Steve and I take some alone time is with John and Danika. Yes, it is true. My ex and his wife take care of my husband and my son for us when we go away. It is crazy, we all acknowledge that, but it is also such a blessing! When I asked Nathen about how he felt about his family he said to me,

“In comparison to what?”

Like Aiden, for Nathen this is the way it is. He knows nothing else. Though when he is in trouble, I have heard him say that he wishes we didn't all get along so well. I can empathize as I am sure having 4 parents, that work together, can be a little annoying as a teenager!

Christmas 2010 

Nathen just turned 19 years old in January. If there is one thing that I can feel really proud of as a mom, it is my healed relationship with my son's father, and the genuine love I feel for both John and Danika. Never could I have imagined life as it is now. Never could I have imagined the full family that I have been given. To me, bigger forces are working here. We are really there for each other, walking it out together. It is now no longer just about Nathen, it has become about Aiden too. It has become about all of us, as one family unit. There are many thing that are different about the way we live our lives, we don't see eye to eye on everything, but the one thing remains the same, we are family. 

points of view from the others:

Steve: Well, at first I was doing it for Nathen. But then after a while it started to be about all of us.

Now there is a friendship, a relationship. Besides John would be lost without me.

Christmas 2012

John: Well, to me it is just common sense. Either you learn to get along, and everyone is happy or you don't get along and everyone is miserable. Doing it this way is so much better, it's really good! And besides Steve would be lost without me.

Danika: Our family is certainly unique.  We do have separate lives but they intertwine, and we create love and support.  We collaborate with each other, bounce around our thoughts, sound warnings, and celebrate together.  This family gives us roots, it feeds us, and gives back... really nice when you consider the alternative!  

We truly think we are a family worth celebrating.

I wanted to share this to be real and honest about the road we have traveled

This kind of life takes commitment, patience and endurance.

Sometimes it seems that others have it easy...

these are words I have heard myself.

But truth is everything has come to be

with intention and commitment.

Digging Deep and Loving Large.

Never could I have known it would have

turned out the way it has.

I fell blessed and grateful.

And humbly I say to you

anything

anything

anything

is possible

if there is Love.

Thanks for reading

my Lovelies

Love and Light