The Final Offering for 2012...Reflections of a year living with Vulnerablitiy

It is the last morning of 2012

the snow is gently falling outside my window

the wood stove is crackling

the boys...all of them including the husband

are playing skate 3 on the PS3

enjoying each others company

I am still in my pjs at 10:51 in the morning

sipping on a Starbucks 

with no where to be

taking this time

to be with you...

Sounds like perfection doesn't it.

Perfection

what does that words really mean?

Truth is

I live a real life

not a post card life

I would say moments like the one that is happening

in my home, while I write this,

are moments that I treasure

because

in any given moment

it could totally turn upside down...

or go severely sidways.

BUT

I have come to learn perfection can be found

even in those upside down moments

perfection

is a state of mind

perfection

is objective

perfection

is a choice

meaning

perfection is what you choose it to be

  Vulnerability was the word

that I travelled with this year.

She was an unexpected companion

and at first 

one hard to take.

And

although I did not complete and publish my book

as I had hoped

I did complete the first 5 chapters

and will continue that journey this coming year.

There was a lot to learn

living with Vulnerability

Things, I now know, I had to live through

in order to bring that vulnerability

to my story...to my book

  

There was amazing growth

that came out of this year

Growth I could not have imagined

or anticipated

And the allies that vulnerability brought with her

I would have never known

had I not trusted her

followed her

allowed myself to be drawn into her

The road was challenging

and at times I felt stretched to the max

like I had been dragged across the pavement

and sometimes I just wasn't sure it was all worth it

but I choose to continue on...

In this space

my goal was to be as vulnerable as possible

sometimes this was a challenge

was I sharing too much?

was I not sharing enough?

who is reading what I am sharing???

But I was committed

and now

that is comes to an end

I am so glad I was.

This path of Vulnerability

brought me closer to Trust

brought me closer to Faith

brought me closer to Life/Death/Life

bought me closer to myself

and that is my soul purpose

to journey back to self...

my Spiritual Self

and the place from which I came.

Vulnerability walked with me as I traveled deep within

She forced me to go places I did not want to go

but places I needed to walk through

More often than not

I could not see my way clearly

except for the very step I was on.

There were times when I had no idea

where that path would lead

And many times

there seemed to be more dark then light....

Vulnerability taught me that seeing clearly

is not what is important...

continuing the journey, in spite of clouded vision

AND

learning to ask for clear guidance through such times

is essential for a spiritual journey.

Vulnerability taught me that having enough light

for the step I was on

was enough...

more than enough.

Vulnerability taught me that I did not need to know

where that path lead...

that being where I was 

was more important then were I was going.

She showed me that sometimes seeing around the corner

affected the lessons on the path

right in front of me.

She showed me how to accept where I was

right where I was

and not only accept it

but sink into it

to embrace it

to love it

to cherish it.

 Vulnerability taught me to further embrace the dark

to further embrace the struggle

to further embrace to fire of life.

She taught me to feel all

and by feeling all

I could embrace all

and by embracing all

I found freedom to Love all.

Vulnerability taught me the importance of Death

the importance to allow something you love

to end

in order for something new

to begin.

Vulnerability revealed the loving side of grief

She journeyed me through the place of

letting go

release

and

rebirth.

She showed me

the path is there for all

She told me about the choice

we all have

She made clear to me that in here,

there is untold power

untold treasure

untold gifts.

Walking with her has allowed me to release

shame

guilt

self struggle

all things important for me

to write my heart

honestly

authentically

openly

with no attachment to out come...

Releasing allows Space for new Life 

or to allow the Life I already have

to grow that much bigger

and stronger.

Space has been created

with in and without

So much so coming to the end of this year

I made a big decision...

...after 25 years of hairdressing

and 12 years of running my own, very successful 

home studio

I have closed my doors

A difficult decision to make

as I know what I offer to the women who come

But it is no longer enough for me...

my soaring heart needs more

More writing and a finished book

More healing photography

More time to

 facilitate spiritual space for other women

More spiritual space for self

More time Seeds of Love and Hope

More time for Hanna House

*

MORE TIME FOR MY HEARTS DESIRES

*

It's a chance I am taking

giving up a steady income

walking away from something that is such

a part of me...

not knowing at all how this coming year will pan out

measuring my success spiritually

instead of monetarily

following spirit not the world

this

is what

walking with

Vulnerability

gave me

Courage

Courage to follow my heart

Courage to bear the fruit

Courage to grow the leaves

Courage to

Reach my Branches high to the sky

with no fear of judgement

with no chains of oppression

with only Love 

wrapped around my soul

This was a gift I received this year

from a very special lady

She could not have known the deep meaning it would hold for me

but when she bought it she trusted her instincts

and saw me in it

There were a few gifts like this, this year

amazing

deep 

meaningful

spiritual gifts...

signs to carry me on my way...

This year has been a deep difficult blessing

to my life

I am grateful for all it offered

for every soul it offered

for every gift

I am filled with Trust beyond measure

I have know idea what the future holds

but I am ready.

*

This song runs deep for me

the dance

the struggle

the heart wrenching love

this is life

painfully beautiful

We are either doing...or not doing

I choose to do.

*

Vulnerability taught me how to love

even those thing that are unloveable

to embrace to full package

not just that which is easy

She revealed to me

the Shadow Stalker inside

and gave me clear vision in the dark

and there I found my Perfection

All is beauty

All matters

All is spiritual...

*

Thank you

Thank you my lovelies

for walking this year out with me

your presence is a gift

a light

a joy

a peace

You inspire

You teach

You grow me

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

May 2013 bring more revolution

bring more restoration

bring my re-birth

in all our lives

You are Me

I am You

I love you

I see you

Love and Light

Aho Sisters

If it's not yet obvious to you, the real reason for this, and all seasons, is You. A more perfect child of the Universe has never lived. Until now, only celebrations cloaked in myth and mystery could hint at your divine heritage and sacred destiny. You are life's prayer of becoming and its answer. The first light at the dawn of eternity, drawn from the ether, so that I might know my own depth, discover new heights, and revel in seas of blessed emotion. A pioneer into illusion, an adventurer into the unknown, and a lifter of veils. Courageous, heroic, and exalted by legions in the unseen. To give beyond reason, to care beyond hope, to love without limit; to reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honor. May you wear them with a pride as great as what we feel for you. Your light has illuminated darkened paths, your gaze has lifted broken spirits, and already your life has changed the course of history. This is the time of year we celebrate YOU. Bowing before Greatness,     The Universe