For those of you who have been with me for a while
you may have already read this story...
it was published 2 years ago in an on-line magazine
But after celebrating my oldest's 19th
I felt it time to take it out of the vault
and share it again and give you something to read
as I holiday in the sunshine of Florida....
I hope you enjoy it
as much as I enjoyed living it
Love and Light
Written by: Catherine Beerda-Basso
Contents Blurb: I would like to say we are just your average family, and, in so many ways we are. But as one of my teenage son's friends pointed out to me, we are like a family you might see on one of the reality television shows on TLC....and I'm okay with that.
In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. Extended from the human “family unit” by affinity, economy, culture,tradition, honour, and friendship are concepts for family that are metaphorical, or that grow increasingly inclusive extending to the nation hood and humanism.
The face of the family has changed so much these past few decades. Family no longer lies with in the boundaries of marriage, lineage, or co-habitation. Family, for this writer, has become something so much more, something bigger than I could have ever imagined, something so unexpected.
We start at the classic beginning. Boy meets girl, or girl meets boy, depending on whose perspective you are looking at. For now, we will stick to my perspective as I, said girl, am the writer and boy is quite shy and private about it all. Though, has graciously agreed to letting girl tell our story...our family story.
So the beginning, as I have mentioned, is classic. Boy and girl are both in their very early twenties and embark on a journey of love and relationship. Neither of them are really equipped at this stage, as young people never are, but they go ahead any ways, as young people do. Both bring baggage, both bring their past, both bring their dirty laundry, with hopes that the other might possibly be the one to help them take this laundry through the washer. A year and some passes and girl becomes pregnant. Now the world, as boy and girl know it, changes forever.
I clearly remember the day I told John that I was pregnant, these are the kinds of days you don't forget. It was on a pay phone in the mall by my work. I know, a bit cowardess. I was young, scared, unsure. I had already known for a couple days, and had it confirmed by my doctor. Now I needed to tell my boyfriend. So I went to the pay phone on my break, put in that quarter and called him. I cried, he was in shock, and everything shifted.
Once I knew I was pregnant the choice was simple. I would have this child. I would hunker down and do it. Once my head was wrapped around it, I knew that this child was meant to be, and I knew that I could and would be the best mom I could be. I began falling in love with the life that grew inside me.
For John, as it is for alot men even in marriage, it was a bit harder to get his head around.
The next 9 months became a tumultuous time in our relationship. We were left to our own devises, trying to navigate a terrain that neither of us seemed quite equipped to trek. We did our best. Sometimes it was pretty, sometimes not so much. It was a tough time, it was an amazing time.
January 19, 1994 our son was born. Nathen Richard Stjephan. Truly, one of the best days of my life. I was ready. I had bought into it all, hook line and sinker. I had never been so in love with another human being as I was with this baby boy. The connection was instant and deep.
For John, things were different, and though I do not want to indulge too much for that is his personal story, I want to say that as a young man, who had already been through a lot, his biggest obstacle was fear of not being enough. And this fear was a battle he needed to face.
After spending a week or so at my parents I took Nathen home to our apartment in that I shared with a family friend. I was over the moon and life played out as it does, so quickly and before I knew it Nathen was turning two.
John and I were still walking it out together, but it was on again off again and emotionally taxing for both of us. Each of us in love with this child, in love with each other, but unable to get the pieces to all fit smoothly. It was about this time that we decided to move in together. This move quickly became the demise of “us”, only later would it prove to become our rebirth....