Finding Home...

On Wednesday I woke with anxiety sitting on my chest

deep panicking anxiety 

As I walk through the unsual suspects

that bring me here

I decided to transcend them all 

I decided to not

"try to make sense of it"

I decided  that instead

I needed to medicate it

tend to it

love on it

give to it.

So

after I permed my moms hair that morning

I grabbed the dog, my camera,

got into the truck

and drove to where 

I was being called.

I am blessed to live in a area that offers

Mother Earths finest wears.

Ocean

Forest

Lakes

Feilds

River

Creeks

Meadows

and 

Mountains

Today it was them that called

The Mountains behind my home...    

I needed the cold mountain air

to caress my skin

I needed to fill my lungs with  

the medicine it gives.

I needed to feast my eyes

on the majesting of the snow capped giants

I needed to be away from the human noise

and be enveloped in Natures Love.

We are still in the dull of winter

though the signs of Spring

can be found

Ducks and Snow Geese

are getting ready

to nest and bring new life.

Hawks fly close to the wet lands

looking for their daily bread.

Seagulls and Red Winged Black birds

search for a place to nest.

The great water shivers

as mountain winds caress

snow can still be found

high on the alpine line

great trees stand by the thousands

housing bear, deer and wolf

All of the beauty

which remains with or without me

Yet it gives to me

feeds me

medicates me

stills my troubles mind

expels the anxiety

that clung to me for dear life

This place is my Healing Balm

the place in which I touch God

and God touches me

I offered my gift

from my own medicine pouch

and in return

was given back a stone

to remember this healing

to remember the abundance that is

And the joy of my eager companion

makes me laugh out loud

guides me back to center

brings me back to Home

A couple hours of direct treatment

and I was brought back to holy health

Grateful am I

for the Abundance that is

Grateful am I 

for the Love that is

Grateful I am

for Good Medicine received

   Grateful I am

 to be back Home

once again 

may you find yourself Home this weekend

my lovelies

Love and Light

(ps just over a week to go for my big trip 

have you seen the total??? We are surpassing my intention!!

Thank you Thank you Thank you

I could not do this with out you!)  

 

             

    

 

tonight...

I just came back from a night time

 MRI appointment with my mom
I realized tonight that I am now the daughter

of an actively aging parent. 

Of course I realize we are all aging...

but a corner has been turned...

I saw it tonight in her eyes,

her unsteady walk, 

her uncertainty,

I saw it.
A new kind of life is starting for her and I.....

I  felt a need to place it here

as I swim in the emotions

of this change

I had to honour it

give it voice

give it word

give it a place

thank you for being here

my lovelies

love and light

   

Mondays Offering...a song and a thought...

I take these pills to make me thin
I dye my hair, and cut my skin
I try everything, to make them see me
But all they see, is someone that's not me

[Chorus]
Even when I'm walking on a wire
Even when I set myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to look my best
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

[Verse 2]
Here inside, my quiet hell
You cannot hear, my cries for help
I try everything, to make them see me
But every one, sees what I can't be

[Chorus]
Even when I'm walking on a wire
Even when I set myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to look my best
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

[Bridge]
Sometimes when I'm alone
I pretend that I'm a queen
It's almost believable

[Chorus]
Even when I'm walking on a wire
Even when I set myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to look my best
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

who of us have not felt these words?

who have us have not felt less then?

who of us have wondered....

what is "this" all about?  

I know I have

Seasons of lack and darkness

Seasons of loneliness and deprivation  

feeling unheard

unseen

unimportant  

As you walk out into your week, my lovelies

be open to seeing those who feel this way

and tell them the truth

this could mean somthing as simple

as a smile with soul eye contact

and if you're living this song,

if you are in a place of feeling

invisible

look for those who want to connect

and want to let you know

that you are seen

that you matter

that your broken heart

breaks mine

Love big and bright my lovelies

it really matters...

Love and Light