and I don't want to forget.
Yesterday I read a post by a lovely bloggy friend Rain...a post called "back to your heart". In it Rain posed the question,
" When life gets in the way,how do you get back to your heart?"
The timing of the question was perfect for me.
After an emotionally challenging week I felt depleted by the end.
Thus everything kicked into a slower gear.
I found it difficult to focus, stay on track, energy was lacking.
Fortunately and unfortunately we had made plans to make our way our into the forest for a couple nights of camping.
But packing up takes time and energy, so again I felt there was not enough time to do those things that I need to center myself and come back into me.
The more I thought about what I needed and wanted to do, the more I felt the separation.
But upon coming home a realization of the reality of ebb and flow came back to me. Rain's question prompted this clarity.
The reality of seasons within seasons.
The reality of mother and wife.
The reality of duty and service.
The reality of living a real life in real time.
We all do our best.
Simple.
I do my best...and that is a wonderful thing...NOT something that needs to be looked at again and again and again.
Something that just is.
It is me that holds me prisoner....
Thinking I need to be more.
Thinking I need to push harder.
Thinking I need to be all.
It is me who puts those expectations on myself...no one else.
So yesterday, upon returning home, I released myself of those things and gave myself a day of rest. Occasionally a pang of guilt would cross over my heart, but I did not reach out and grab hold of it, I let it keep walking.
I came back to myself...
it really wasn't that hard
I was standing here the whole time.
Be kind to you
Love and Light
(the teenager showed me this video, last night, from one of our local bands...appropriate)
oh wow...i love this! and what grace to give yourself...a gentle hug and a 'honey, just do your best...'
ReplyDeletei also really love and identify with your "real life in real time" and "season within a season." it is so easy to forget that part! there are seasons of growth, of deadness, of shy coming-to-life, and of rest.
thank you for sharing your reflections, dear friend! <3
Thank you for this post; it is nice to hear about someone being gentle with themself- it is a reminder.
ReplyDeleteLove and light as you so beautifully say,
Allison
i love that song! i got goosebumps. thank you for sharing! the video is awesome. i love what you said about giving yourself a day of rest. i really need that. on the rare occasion that i do do that, i also feel pangs of guilt...but i think i need to be better at not grabbing hold of them. to just keep walking instead.
ReplyDelete"it is me that holds me prisoner." that's really deep. i need to give that a lot of pondering. you really have something there, i think. how much do i limit myself simply by putting expectations on myself? hmm.
good stuff, Cat dear. thank you for sharing your heart...and inspiring me.
Tbis is so beautiful Cat - I was just pondering over some of these thoughts a few seconds ago! xoxo
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI just came across your blog...keep up the good work!
Blessings,
~Miss Raquel
www.God-sDaughter.blogspot.com
Hi sorry for being a quiet reader lately, just have had an emotionally depleting week or so myself and sometimes feel it's better just to sit back and read.
ReplyDeleteI had similar thoughts along these lines today too. I was planning and hosting Ruby's birthday party and despite working hard non stop all day I was beating myself up over not completing some of my expectations. I actually stopped midway through and thought actually I've done great! it's about stopping the comparisons of those I feel do a whole lot better and just accepting my best with what I've got. Plus the kids were just as happy and wouldn't have even noticed my finer points, truthfully it was more about showing off to the mums. To be honest. And then maybe blogging about it ;) haha