The Fear of The Messenger

It shouldn't be that hard should it?
Just give what you are given....right?


If only it was that easy...

Do you want to know what my lifes greatest fear has been?
It's not some sort of creepy crawly critter.
It's not my husband leaving me for another woman.
It's not even death.
No my biggest fear is not being heard.


You see the irony in that.
A Messenger afraid of not being heard.
The Divine has a sense of humor....

I still feel the fear....it comes in many different forms,
and if I linger too much on it, it can seem really really big.
But it only seems so...
I was sharing this feeling of being scared shitless silly with a dear friend yesterday.
The thing about it is yes I am scared, but the desire to live fully far out weighs the fear.

I felt the abundant Love of The Spirit
I felt the Blessings pour down
I saw that it was all there for the taking
That Love is always there.
It does not wait for you to do something "good"
It does not wait until you have done "the right thing"
It does not wait for the perfect time to spring it on you.
No.
What was affirmed to me, during my weekend away is that....
Love is always there...always
It is up to us to access it
To draw from it
To trust it

And let me tell you
When 6 women come together and draw for that Source...miracles happen.
Like "shut-the-front-door" kind of miracles.


So given all that was revealed to me, the fear is what it is...fear....that's all, just fear
Truth be told, I am so full.
Those are the best words I can use.
I feel like someone has blown fairy dust into my world and everything sparkles. Even when things like frustration, annoyance, anxiousness, anger all brought on by fear....when they come to take residence in my belly, I am not so shaken or over taken. They are neither bad nor good, they just are. How I respond to them determines the outcome of affect.

The following is taken from "The Wishing Year" by Noelle Oxenhandler (the book that my Wisdom Club Retreat was built around)
"If I were a beggar and wished for a horse--a horse might be much more likely to appear than if I'd never made that clearing" 
Translation:
I am responsible for my own fears.

The following are two acronyms for FEAR:
False 
Evidence
Appearing
Real
and my favorite...you may need to be sitting down for this...
Frantic
Effort
Avoiding
Responsibility


We are all responsible for our own fear.

So... 
my response to fear....welcome!
And hang on because it is going to be one hell of a ride!!!!
Love and Light


(the pictures of me were taken on my weekend away...here I was throwing away my stone of suffering...suffering brought on by fear....you can't see it but there are tears, tears of great Love)