We choose how we live...

 Last week Friday I was driving over the bridge
heading to my girlfriend, Claire's place,
to do her hair.
She lives just blocks from my dear sister-friend
Angela
the one who is walking with cancer.
I had hoped to pop over to her place after
I was done with Claire's hair
but she was off to an appointment
one of many she attends these days...
This appointment was special.
This appointment would determine if 
the chemo treatments where doing anything
to shrink the tumour that had taken up 
residence in her colon...
causing her to get a colostomy bag in the spring.

So that morning
as I crossed over the bridge
Angela was on my mind and
I reminded myself that I would
send her a text
as soon as I arrived at Claire's.
It was then  I went to my Spirit for guidance and the words I should write...
and as I came over the crest of the bridge
high about the river in the morning fog
I heard these words
"Catherine,
you do not get to choose how you die
but you get to choose how you live."
Tears
Tears reflecting the knowing of the truth
the sacred truth in those words
Tears as I thought of my Angela and her husband getting ready to go to this telling appointment
Tears in the AWE of her spirit, her conviction, her willingness to believe that all will be as it is meant to be and no matter what the out come, all will be ok.
Tears because of the beauty and the fragility of life
Tears because we are so held, so loved, so cared for
we only need ask and believe.

the following is taken from Angela's blog
about said appointment:

It has been a very long day and an even longer evening.  I attended an informative session tonight on Cancer and Diet (specifically the Gerson Diet) and although a fruitful one, my head is exploding with new information and the task of doing more research.  I am very tired which always makes me emotional but also because the implication of what I “could” have heard today and what I heard instead, is only hitting me now. 

I was blessed with good news regarding the CT Scan results.  The Cancer has not spread!

There is no measurable tumour remaining visible in my colon (this was the rascal that started it all).  Unfortunately, even though it may have shrunk, it left behind a heck of a mess. But even the mess seems to have some positive results.  The multiple masses on the lining of my abdominal cavity have decreased significantly in size and the metastasis on my liver and right sacral bone (which is the large triangular bone at the base of the lower spine) have decreased in size as well.  The accumulation of fluid that was in my abdominal cavity has also resolved itself. 

The chemo has been exhausting and a struggle, but at least I know now that it is working.  The juicing, the diet change, the exercise are also key to this success.  What I need to do is incorporate additional holistic herbs and healing to help keep the good cells healthier and keep me strong.  I will be scheduled for another CT Scan in 10 weeks and we will see again how much progress is made.

Thank you for your love and prayers and your unending support and positive motivation... I KNOW that I could not have gotten this far without them. 

A very special friend told me “We don’t get to choose how we die.  But we do get to choose how we live.”  I made my choice, I am doing it now and I am ever so grateful and thankful.  I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Angela xox

(Sat. Oct. 19) 

We don't get to choose how we die...
But we get to choose how we live

My dear friend is such a reflection of that reality
6 months ago the doctors told her
to say goodbye to her kids
today
who knows
but the truth is
she is alive and living
and my lovelies
that is the happy ending.
*

The other scenario is not so bright
my "mom"
is not coping so well
she has already given up
Yes, she is going through the motions of life
but she is not living
When I suggest looking into the diet the Angela is on
she shrinks up her nose
and does not hear me any more.
She has long been residing in the anger stage
and there is no sign of her leaving...
not without a swift kick in the butt
Am I the one to give her that kick?
It's hard to say
All I know is that right now
I am so sad
and broken inside
because she has given up
on herself
her life
and essentially
those who love her.

This is just me unfolding these pieces of my life
right now 
beauty and pain
as we walk hand in hand in...

This coming weekend,
hold on to holiness of these words my lovelies...

We do not get to choose how we die
But we so get to choose how we live

tomorrow I head down to P0rtland to gather
with Pixie Campbell and some other sisters of SouLodge 
for me,  THATS living well : )

Live well my lovelies
Live well

Love and Light

*check out my 2014 Animal Medicine Calendar here*
 

Deeper and Wider

Yesterday the snows fell

as if to blanket me deeper

into the still silence

of this space I am in...

just the day before I was capturing

these images

Snow Geese

in the wet lands

that sprawl out behind my home

underneath the watchful eyes

 of the mighty mountain range...

These beautiful birds

Grace us with their presence

this time of year

a symbol of the season...

And I can't help but ask

what season is this?

There is tribulation in the world

and there is tribulation in my home...

things are shifting at a rapid rate

...so it seems...

the ebb and flow

tangibly felt

and I trying not to get

swept away in it

not to be carried into emotions 

with no direction

I have been intentional about 

creating space around me

Holding space for myself

something I easily and quickly do for others

but have never done

with such intent

for myself

The same day I was with

The Snow Geese

I saw these two eagles

They are always such a gift

They are such a reminder to me

to see above and beyond

what is in front of me

to look further than the obvious...

So as the world morns the losses,

not only those who lives were taken

at last weeks shooting

but also the lives that are continually taken

in countries where humans rights

are not considered,

and as I walk through my own

personal place of uncertainty

I take guidance from Eagle

To be lifted up 

to  look beyond my own understanding

to trust

to believe

to be ever present

and even as I enter the season of Christmas

with such an unsettled feeling

pressing upon my being

I can and will hold space

not only for others

but for self

And by holding that space

around me

I allow Spirit a place to be

with me

to carry me

to lift me up

to hold fast to truths

beyond the human eye...

and though there is much

I am unsure of

there are things I am

very sure of

(my still unfinished work of art.....15 hours and counting)

as sure as the very snowflakes

I carry on my body

so am I sure of the life

the springs up after such times...

this I know to be true
That in this discomfort of the season
beauty arises
the knowing that I have nothing to prove to anyone
and that I am responsible for my own heart

*

and so it would be 

during this time of "unknowing"

that my man child would return home

He has been gone for 2 months now

on his own adventure "down under"

He came home

a little earlier than expected

but his heart longed to be back

in the familiar

in the consistence

of a life well laid...

As we drove home in the 

early morning hours

He spoke of his adventures

especially the spiritual connection

he shared with the ocean

as he surfed her waves

in the dawn of each day

He spoke of the connection

the becoming one

with her wild yet familiar way...

It did my mama heart good

to hear these things from his mouth

for it is what I wish for my boys

they would find their Spiritual Connection

to earth

to life

to themselves

To find God

in a way they can recognize...

*

Life can not always be comfortable

Life can not always offer bliss

I am reminded of that

at a time like this

Even though it would seem the "perfect time"

to have all of that

Life has so much more to offer

It offers something

Deeper and Wider...

*

To bless this Space between Us

with John O'Donohue

No one know the wonder

Your child awoke in you

Your heart a perfect cradle

To hold it's presence

Inside and Outside became one

As new waves of Love

Kept surprising your Soul

Now you sit bereft

Inside a nightmare

Your eyes numbed 

By the sight of a grave

No parent should ever see

You will wear this absence

Like a secret locket

Always wondering why

Such a new Soul

Was taken home so soon

Let the silent tears flow

And when your eyes clear

Perhaps you will glimpse

How your eternal child

Has become the unseen angel

Who parents your heart

And persuades the Moon

To send new gifts ashore.

*

Today

and for the days to come 

I hold on to Eagle Eye

and remain in this space

of intention...

to become Deeper

to become Wider.

Where are you at my lovelies?

Love and Light

ps I had the joy of going to The Hobbit
with the youngest boy, last Friday, with his reading group
stunning and captivating!

Monday Offering...a little late

This offering comes to you late...

sorry my lovelies

I so wanted to tell you about a great man

who I had the pleasure of listening to

and spending time with

last weekend 

Stephen Jenkinson

founder of  The Orphan Wisdom School

There is so much I want to share with you

that I learnt

but my body has been taken over with a cold

and my energy has been sapped

So instead I offer you and chance to get familiar

with Stephen yourself

by watching his very moving

Documentary

"Grief Walker"

(just click on Documentary or Grief Walker)

"Not success

Not growth

Not happiness.

The cradle of your 

Love of Life

is Death."

~Stephen Jenkinson

"If I had a chance

I would rather be whole than good"

~Jung

If you watch the documentary

I would love to hear your thoughts....

 my lovelies

as we love the flower that blooms

knowing it will not last forever

as we watch the season change

knowing they do not last for ever

as we watch the moon wax and wane

and appreciate each stage of its light

so it is with our lives...

live well

my lovelies

for one day it will end.

I do not say this is sadness or denial

everything comes to and end

I am a human being

that will not live forever

so before my time comes

I will live as fully as I can

in each moment

in each breathe

grateful to be alive

xo

Love and Light

(images captured today out front of my home)