Mondays Offering...Sthiven...Stories from The Hill

My dearest Sthiven, (Steven)

Though you did not come from me

I feel for you as I do my own sons.

When I was thinking last night

about writing your story

the tears streamed down my face,

as they threaten to do right now;

For I hold you so dear to my heart.

I remember when I first met you.

A young eager boy of 9 years old

working hard with us, side by side 

building the new kitchen and 

mess hall for the children to eat in.

You had a mother and father,

both of which were regular fixtures at the center;

your mom going on to be one of our main cooks.

I remember you hanging out with my oldest...

and

I remember giving you a gift from my youngest.

He was so little then, just 4

sad that his mama and big brother were going far away;

and yet

he saved up his money to buy a hotwheels package

for me to give to a special  little boy

whom I thought would like it.

I picked you.

That was an amazing moment

you, your mom and I shared.

My heart was broken open by the two of you,

you changed me that day

and we would all be forever connected.     

I remember how I felt

the day I heard about your dad being killed.

I was so broken...in shock.

It happened just a week after our return home.

A motorcycle accident took his life,

it was such a tragedy.

I wept for you and your mom,

these were not good days.

And then it was years before I could return.

Things were not safe for us to come,

but I held you close

thought of you often

and looked forward to seeing you again....

hoping you would remember...and you did.

Oh when I saw you last year

how my heart soared

you were so tall and slender

with some crazy long hunk of hair growing 

down your neck.

Like a good mother I threatened to cut if off

and whenever you came into my "hair studio"

I would adorn it will one of the many "pretties"

I had brought for the girls.

You were game for it.

Seeing you and your mom

were a highlight for me

I wrote about you both here   

And now

now my boy you are 15

and a new life has taken place for you.

Your mom has taken on a boyfriend

much younger than herself

she no longer works at the center

as the boyfriend is violant and controlling.

Your home is no longer the safe place

you need

and your mom and you

are at odds...

these are the dark days for many teenagers

but for you

for you my dear sweet Steven,

because of where you live

they are just that much more darker.

My time with you this trip

was that much richer

With out being so busy doing hair,

and with my lovely interpretor I was able to have

much more one on one time with you.

Oh how I loved that...

to be able to love on you,

nurture you

give you my mama love.

Everyday you came to the center 

and everyday you stayed till the last minute

we were there.

Just like when you were a young boy

helping out in anyway you could.

Humouring me with hugs and kisses    

allowing me to fawn all over you...lol.

I saw you clearly.

I know that when the night comes

another Steven comes to life.

You run with the gangs;

I can't be sure how deep you are in.

I know you are drinking

not sure about drugs...but

your clear eyes tell me nothing serious there yet.

I am not ignorant to your struggle

you shared it so honestly with me

your 15 year old way

 older and wiser, past your years in so many ways

Worried for your mother

hating her boyfreind

not wanting to go home

you have found a place to belong.

yes that is a dead rat!!!! boys will be boys...yuck!

I filled you any chance I got.

Letting you know what a special young man I saw in you

Giving you grace and understanding

not judgment

Reminding you that school was the ticket out

to keep to your studies

to go to trades school or university

reminding you that we....The Center...will always stand behind you

lifting you up

to your full potential

reminding you

not to throw it away at this tender age.

15 anywhere is a tough time....

this I know to be true.

I held your face in my hands

eveyday

kissed your cheeks

scolded you for being cheeky  

(with a smile on my face of course)

enjoyed watching you play with the younger kids

help out in the kitchen

be the young man I knew you to be

So proud of you I am.


*

On our last day we took our sponsored children to the mall

for an special outing of lunch and shopping.

And though you are sponsored by another

I had to take you along

for you are my heart.

You were so gracious about it all...

agreeing to come along, only if it worked out

and when you did humbling buying

well priced shoes with such gratitude

and quick so quick to help out anywhere you could.

You made my mama heart so proud.

I know these things came from your heart

they are a reflection of your character.

A good boy living an extraordinary life

and trying to find his way...

I took you aside at the end of that day

my last big stand...

and I went for it.

I challenged you to be the man

you dreamed about being...

to be the man you saw in your father.

I let you know I understood the layout of your land

and reminded you to remember this season of life

was just that 

a season

and one day you will be able to move on

"Don't get too deep into it," I said.

Remember who you are."   

I asked you to look out for my girls...

Lina and Marcelous

I asked you to keep an eye on them

to be a big brother to them

protect them and let them know they matter.

You promised you would.

I know I asked a lot of you that night   

but I asked nothing that I did not think you were capable of

You are such a good boy

smart and wise

a good man I see in you...

the world needs you Steven

the world needs men like you.

I lit a candle for you last night

sending you my mama love

sending your mom my love and support

She loves you...

right now she is just a little lost.

When I went to see her I let her know about your worry

I let her know about your struggle

and I above all let her know 

that I look forward to when she returns to us...

we sobbed in each others arms... 

Today I write about you

my dearest Steven.

Stay safe

Remember who you are

Be strong in Spirit

and kind in Nature 

You are  a precious child of God

Unique and Awesomely made...

and God has not forgotten you.

For here I am

living in another world 

 loving you.

And I look forward to the day,

when once again

I hold your face in my hands.

Love and Light