The Truth about Re-Entry and Hero's....

I have been home now for 5 days...

(flowers waiting for me on the kitchen table...I have a good husband)

I arrived early Sunday morning

and crawled into my own bed, in an empty house

at 4:30am

completely spent after over 24 hours of travel

three planes

security checks

expensive airport food

and the return to the land of plenty.

I slept for a few hours...waking to my husbands text

"are you awake?"

lol

I did not mind

I was happy to hear from him

and even happier hear that he and our youngest

were on their way home 

from Vancouver Island.

This gave me a morning to myself,

time to shower

unpack

listen to music

and attempt to get my footing

in solitude.

A good thing after 10 days of never being alone.

A good thing after 10 days of constant

movement

noise

and

chaos.

A good thing after 5 days of deep stories, painful realities and childhoods lost.

I then drove out to meet my best friend for lunch...

I had to get out

the sun was shining

and the cool air felt good against my skin

The skin that was burning with emotions

struggling with elation and grief

feeling unsettled

I drove with the sunroof open

letting the cool spring air whip my hair around.

Hawk flew over me

welcoming me home

then another

then another

then another.

I felt seen and heard as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I can't escape this now, unless you show me how"

Re-entry for me

has always been a process

my heart is open and feels all things

and as deep as I go with those in Colombia

so is the distance I must find my way back

This goes back to childhood.

I was always the one crying when we left someones homes

at which we spent some substantial time at... 

After being prompted by my sister Rain
with the question
"Hows your heart?" 
I wrote this to her:

"My heart is tender
torn in two...residing in two earthly worlds
and trying to find it's way back
to each other
stitching itself whole in yet another new way
moment of complete contentment
and gratitude
only to be jarred into the deepest of pain...
pain enough to stop my breath
with each day it feels stronger
more whole
and yet
it will never be the same 
as it always is
when I return from Pilgrimage
Painfully Beautiful
it is all
Painfully Beautiful"

This is where I am
Edging out of the stillness
and solitude of my thoughts
and experience
Slowly stepping back into
a life of movement
and a different kind of noise.

At yoga yesterday I felt the grief
that was contained in my lower organs
and as I did my twists
I could feel that grief being wrung out...
the grief of leaving
the grief of the stories
the grief of the loss that poverty holds
and the tears rolled down my face
After class a beautiful angel came over to me
and place her small hands on my face
and said
with tears in her eyes
"Thank you for the work you do 
for the children of my country." 
We both came undone
and silently wept in each others arms.
It was good to know someone understood...
that someone knew what I had seen
knew what I had heard
knew where I had been
and understood
without me saying a word. 

Today I read this
to which I responded with this:

 feeling your words deeply today Robin....it is a season of re-birth and yet I feel I am trudging up through the mud instead of bursting forth through the soil...it is the re-entry of one world to another that has me feeling so...the gratitude of the life I returned to and the grief of leaving the lives I am bound to...
torn
grieving
loving
dancing
feeling
wanting someone to reach out to me and yet wanting to be left alone...because it can't just be anyone, it has to be someone who knows, who knows deep...
these are not the surface wounds, are they sister
they are the wounds of life, death and divinity
these are the wounds that need medicine of the ancients....medicine from the great magic....
mmmmm
I feel a stirring and must write these words down....
how ever you came to this place
I know it too
so I will grieve with you 
as my lantern burns
and the earth will receive our tears and she will grow something beautiful with them....
this I know

After reading this
 I felt inspired
inspired to be exactly where I am
without apology
without explanation

Today I am trudging through the mud
I know that I will be exfoliatedand renewed 
when I am done
but I do not know how long it will take
So till then
I marinate
I marinate in the mud and grime
of all I have seen...
I let the tear come when they need to
Through some tears I will grieve
 and through others I will laugh
But I will make no apology
instead 
I will share with you
a few of my Hero's.....

Love and Light my Hero's
oh how my heart misses you...

 

Preparing for Pilgrimage...

I am getting ready to go back

to a place that holds my heart

I place of chaos and confusion

a place of  wild joy and free spirit

There are always so many emotions

that dance inside my chest as I prepare

but above all

I feel the blessing of knowing this place

Three sleeps and I will be leaving home

My oldest surprised me by saying yes to the call

My brother and niece will also be there

A very special trip this shall be

Family meeting Family

Here is one of my Soap Box Writings from my FB page

about this journey...

 This past week I had the good fortune of engaging in a wonderful conversation with a sister-friend,
about this very topic. She does healing works in the First Nations Communities where many of her people live in generational poverty. A poverty that began when the white man came, and stripped them of who they were.
We both agreed that there is a misunderstanding within the general population as to what exactly poverty is. For anyone who is involved in this kind of work, whatever level it might be, you know that this work is messy and the deeper you get into it the messier it gets. And you would know that poverty goes way beyond the lack of food or shelter.
Poverty steals so much more than nourishment from the body. Poverty strips one of all human dignity. It takes away ones trust in oneself and others. There are no dreams, there is not hopes for the future, there is no tomorrow only this moment and how you are going to survive it…poverty holds people captive from their spirit and all that gives life purpose. Generational poverty is not fixed by a full belly and a warm bed…that is the very surface, that is the easy part. Once you get past that the real work begins, and it is messy and it is slow. In our world you make a decision and you follow through with it. If it does not work there are many other options to go with. In the world of poverty decisions are not easy to come by and options….what are those???? Things that are clearly inappropriate in the financially secure world, become normaland common place in the world of poverty…things like brothers having sex with their sisters, and mom’s boyfriends impregnating their girlfriends daughters, boys being beaten by their moms boyfriends and those same boys easily getting a hold of a gun to go after said boyfriend. It becomes normal for a mother to leave her children for days on end, sometimes even weeks and it becomes the way it is when babies are having babies. What seems so easy, to the outsider, to fix, is so deeply engrained within the population that to loosen it, let alone remove it, is the deep, challenging work. (all examples are stories about some of the kids who are in our program)

World Statistics: (approx.)
10% of the worlds population own a car
50% of the world owns their own home
4% of the world own a computer
12% have access to one
3-5% have internet access
2-5% of the worlds population sleep in their own bed
30% have enough money to have a bank account

Mother Earth produces enough food to provide every person in the world at least 2,720 calories per day.
Ask yourself why we are not eating this way… 
Is it God who does this? 
Or is it those in power who have misused their positions?

I share these statistic not so you feel bad or guilty, but to give insight and awareness of our position in the world. It is easy in our society to feel like we live in lack. The media speaks of recession, global warming, loss of jobs, horrible violence and crimes; stories that cause us to draw ourselves inward feeling like there is not enough. They “forget” to tell us all the wonderful abundance love and giving that goes on… 
When we live in this kind of Fear or Lack we live with a perceptions that is another is successful there will not be enough left for us. There is the sense that is we don’t grab our “brass-ring” someone else will and there will be nothing left for us. With this way of thinking we become steeped in living competitively, pitting us against one another instead of working together. We live only in a physical reality, seeing all beings as separate from one another having access to limited sources.When the truth is, here in North America, there is more that enough. And here in North American we are actually living as a minority. The majority of the world does not live like us…not even close. This, to me, puts us in a position of responsibility. And the first step of that responsibility is learning to live in unity. Living in unity moves us away from ourselves and into a deeper relationship with others. Moving past the physical reality into the spiritual reality. Spiritually we are all sharing the unity of one Creative Source. When we live in this reality all sense of competition disappears leaving space for cooperation and unity to take its place among us and thrive. 

Through this work and living a spiritually infused lifestyle I have learned this:
When one heals we all heal
When one succeeds we all succeed
When one grieves we all grieve
When one is fed we all are fed
When one loves we all love

I challenge you my Courageous Soul Readers to accept your position of abundance in the world and take responsibility of it…whatever that looks like for you…we are not all called to do the same thing. All we do, whatever it is, has an effect on the rest of the world. It is a choice as to whether is it a positive effect or a negative effect. 

Thank you for reading my heart...

keep a light burning for me

until I return safely back home

Love and Light