Ode to August....Ode to September

August

your brought me refinement...

September

you brought me renewal...

you were both rich and full

bringing to me

what I needed

both sorrow and joy

I thank you

 

Love and Light

an unexpected sorrow...an unexpected gift

(The family...saying goodbye to the Young Blood)

It was my husband who saw him first...

...we were on our way home

after a wonderful weekend with The Young Blood

at his new home in Tofino.

I had not seen him since May

and time together had been greatly needed.

An amazing weekend was spent reconnecting

and enjoying Mother Natures glory

in this magical place.

Where Mountains stretch to the sky

Rain Forests run vast and wild

and Mama Ocean is fierce and wonderful....

and there He was

bedding down on the side of the only road

into or out of this sacred place...

the road that would take us back into the noise of living.

I had not seen him.

And longing to perhaps capture an image

I asked my love if we could turn around.

He sighed as there was a ferry to catch

and a tradition to be up held.

But as his heart is so,

he pulled the truck over to make the sketchy turn around....

We drove up across from him

and pulled to the side of the road.

There he was blending into all that was around him

My love took a shot...wrong lens and too far away.

We idled for a moment watching him

and quickly it became apparent 

something was not right.

We drove ahead to find yet another place to turn around

so we could be closer

and asses what exactly was happening

For He was not making any effort to leave

his precarious spot.

Even as the cars flew by, he made no effort

to retreat into the thick of the forest...

into the safety and cover of Mather Natures hug.

A dull feeling began to grow within my gut

and as we came back upon him,

this time on his side of the road,

I knew things were not right...

he had been hit

hit bad enough he could no longer get up.

He was stunning.

Beautiful in every sense of the word

I captured some images as I spoke to him.

He watched me closely

I longed to get out of the vehicle

and wrap my arms around his neck

but I did not.

And after I was done

we all just looked as him

knowing that being this close to him

observing him in this manor

was a sacred gift....

*

And then he began to speak to me.

*

As the tears rolled down my cheeks

He told me that even the most beautiful of things

must die...

He knew he was dying

and was completely surrendered to that.

The life-death-life cycle was part of his DNA

and he did not question it.

He peered into my soul and revealed to me

the death that was happening within me.

He spoke to me about letting what needed to die

die

and that by doing so

I would be making room for the new life

waiting to be born...

there was more

sacred things

held between The Divine and myself

things to be held within 

my own sacred alter of my soul.

These few minutes I shared with him...

(I am not sure how long it was we lingered)

went straight to the core of my being.

The tears fully flowed as our hearts entwined.

He was suffering

and we knew we had to do something....

My husband made the appropriate calls

making sure someone would come

and see to this magnificent creatures needs...

I could not hold back the sobs as we pulled away

I felt my heart tearing from the top

to the bottom

Even now as I write this

the tears still come

this unexpected gift

this unexpected sorrow

To bear witness to the True Balance

To view a deeper reflection of this life

moved my heart so.

We continued onto our traditional stopping spot

before leaving

this our most favorite place...

and I poured my tears into Mama Ocean

Tears of sorrow

Tears of humility

Tears of gratitude

Tears of joy

So deeply moved am I

by the Divinity that Is

by the Deep Love that  is ours for the taking

for the Abundance of Giving

for the way we are each held

so precious

so important

so valid

to a Creator

whose Love reaches to the ends of infinity.

(this video was my second take...the first I was unable to contain my emotion)

*
 More thoughts on surrender with deer...
Earlier in the year I took an embodiment journey with deer.
I entered her body and she took me into the meadow where she and her herd grazed. The stillness was beautiful, and yet within the stillness I heard every sound...
and I could hear how each how they each flowed together like a  choir, like meditation.
There was a deep peace and freedom within these sounds.
We stayed plugged into all that was going on around us
and yet
stayed in this place of still peace
I could not help but ask her how she lived in this unique kind of peace even though she was being hunted by man and other animals for food.
She told me she did not live in that thought.
her thoughts were about her herd, mating, 
raising her young,
listening to the forest and nourishing herself.
She did not focus on the fact that she was hunted
until the time when she was being hunted came.
Then she would use her swiftness and knowledge of her surroundings to do what she could to continue in this life. 
As she spoke I felt her level of 
surrender and un-attatchment...
instead she carried the deep knowing 
that all things here come to an end at some point
and in that knowing
she was, is and always would be.
* 

Tell me lovelies

when you look at Him

what is it you see?

what is it you hear?

what is it you know?

Love and Light 

On Suffering.....

Suffering...

a word I am very familiar with...

an action I have felt more times than I care to count
something that the religion I was brought up in
perpetuated

a feeling I came to believe I needed

and that without it

I was not moving ahead

that it was only in the suffering

that I would find the healing.

It is now in my mid life

that I no longer believe this to be true

It is not that there is no suffering

or challenge in my life

there is

always

It is what I signed up for

when I decided to "do"this human life.

This life does hold 

pain

struggle

challenge

and 

suffering

There are those things

beyond my control

that season my life with

these things

BUT 

no longer do I seek suffering out

no longer do I feel that I need to suffer

no longer do I believe that it is only through suffering

that I will find my healing

There is Gain with out Pain.

There is Grace without Death.

There is Love without Heartbreak.

I have come to a place in my soul journey

where I see that refinement will come to me

on it's own,

I just need to be present.

As long as I am engaging in my journey

playing an active part

Spirit will bring me what I need

always

and in all ways.

There has been times when I have experienced

deep healing

and life changing letting go

in dream time.

Have gone to sleep feeling one way

and woken up free of that feeling. 

I have felt The Healers hands touch the broken parts of me

transforming them slowly and methodically

while I do nothing...

while I

just 

Be.

I don't have to throw myself into the pit of disppair

to "prove" my willingness

I do have to love myself

wholey

fully 

completely.

I don't have to carry guilt around 

like a flag

I do have to carry myself

as the Sacred Alter that I am.

I don't have to carry the brick of shame

heavy on my back

in order to keep me hunched over

close to the earth

 No...

instead my guardian angel

would sooner have me

fly with her in the heavens

singing Divinities praises

and when she brings me back to earth

she has me stand tall

heart open

eyes lifted

Proud of who I am

in The Spirit

Lessons come

it is the way of this life

 Freedom Is

that is the Truth of this Life

I am already Free

no need to suffer

no need to stumble around in the dark

because the lantern

is in my hand.

This topic of Suffering

came up recently in my online intensive bootcamp

with Raven and Pixie Campbell

a place to strengthen and recognize

our own Sacred Voice.  

 Here are some words

about suffering

 from two of my wise, inspiring sisters:

Rose D. wrote:

"When I journeyed with Raven to the Light at first we just sat on the ground looking at each other. Nothing happened. I said (in my non-verbal journey way) something to the effect of "C'mon already." Raven walked over to me and pecked at my chest right between my heart and throat. I looked down to see an orb of light there. Raven let me know to take it out of my body. Suddenly, there were other people around us and I knew I was to give this light to as many people as wanted it. Some received the light, others turned away. I watched as the light I shared was shared again and again. Finally I left the ground and rose high above the earth. From there I saw the light spreading all over the globe. Bright, healing white light. From me. Or through me, rather.
My messages from Raven have all been so affirming. I am learning that soul work does not always have to be dark and painful. This is hard medicine for me to accept. I am accustomed to struggle. I am used to feeling like I need to be fixed or improved or healed in some way before my life can begin. Raven says enough of that. And so I have this tattoo now as a reminder of the light Raven revealed to me. From my heart, rising to my throat. I'm ready to live."

Me:this struggle that you speak of, oh do I know it well and that too came up for me while walking and talking with Raven...as a child I decided that struggle was part of my life, that in order to get anywhere there would be pain and suffering...not so, not so at all....not to say things aren't a challenge and that there is not suffering or pain in this world, because there is...but to know that i have a choice to not seek suffering out in order to feel I am "doing something" healing something, shifting something...some of my deepest healings have come during the night as I sleep...and I have done nothing...only asked......it is wonderful and so freeing to know that that time has passed and no longer does that have to be our way....Love and Light Lovely xox

Rose:YES!! My thought has been that if it doesn't hurt, I'm not doing it right. I resisted the medicine in my journey, thinking I was somehow taking the easy way out or some such nonsense. Everything in the universe is pushing me out of the shadows. The same message everywhere. It cannot be denied anymore. To do so would be a harmful self-indulgence. I'm frankly terrified at what comes next. But there's no going back now. I've got Raven cawing at my throat;)

Me:Exactly Rose! I have so felt these same things...if there is no pain, I am taking the easy way out...no pain no gain bullshit! Everything has to be hard....lol makes me laugh actually now, so silly because when I put that in the context of my children is that what I would tell them??? No way! I came to find that indeed the shadow and I have been stitched together, but not in the way I thought...I found out I was Owl...The Light Bringer, not afraid of the dark, not afraid to expose the "demons" that lurk around in the dark igniting fear in those who encounter them....that is the relationship between shadow and me...not that I am to dwell there, but that I am skilled there....Yes! no going back sister...I beautiful marking to remind you of that truth!

Rose:Ooh, that resonates deeply with me. Skilled in the shadows, but not meant to dwell there. Yes! 

Toi Lynn shared these words:

  

"No pain no gain... A myth created by someone who loved to watch others struggle. The "meat hook" of life is painful enough. Suffering is optional. Mine has been a sweet easy journey this time. Peaceful. I kept checking in..... Am I avoiding? Am I staying on the outside? No. I know the answer is No. My empowered answer is No to hard work at this time and Yes to flow and ease and Being.
I just went through several years of Kali transformation .... Burn, baby, Burn! That was my motto for 2013. Chaos and loss and rapid change, hilarity and WTFs ensued.
Just 3 weeks ago I landed here, home, finally home. Hard work to get here - here is Kauai, on the ocean, north shore. Mama ocean with me constantly. Speaking, Teaching me so many things already. I'm crying when I write this. So that is my truth. What a relief to feel that I am home now. I'm home and can rest and have ease and peace and deepen my creativity and get back my health. I'll take it as long as I can get it, thus time of light. Because that is life. Not a peaceful pool but waves, up and down.
BTW, my final journey with Raven. I found myself running in a field of grass, wearing a leopard wrap. Next to a leopard. Laughing. She ran with me towards the sacred Twin Rocks (Raven called it Two Sisters... interesting) in Navajo country. When I entered a cavern, leopard bowed out and Raven flew up and snipped my leopard wrap off. Laughing right along with me. Always wants me to be comfortable naked and to be seen as I really am. Two other ravens dropped a kimono on me of soft black velvet and silk with effervescent colors. Not vibrant. But subtle. I thought.... It's like me. I am a softer sort of leader, doing my work as I am, not trying to be anyone else. I'm not a peacock or Phoenix in appearance or style. And that is ok. Enough. I am Enough. I Am. I walked to nearby fire and sat as it got dark. Ravens sat with me in quietness. Just enjoyed the peaceful fire and the quiet. Absolute Stillness. Watching. Breathing. Being."

These sisters words resonate deeply with me
along side my own.
Suffering is no longer what I seek...

I seek spiritual enlightenment

I seek heart joy and soul living

I seek the treasures of the Spirit

I seek the peace that passes all understanding

I seek my Self

Love and Light