an unexpected sorrow...an unexpected gift

(The family...saying goodbye to the Young Blood)

It was my husband who saw him first...

...we were on our way home

after a wonderful weekend with The Young Blood

at his new home in Tofino.

I had not seen him since May

and time together had been greatly needed.

An amazing weekend was spent reconnecting

and enjoying Mother Natures glory

in this magical place.

Where Mountains stretch to the sky

Rain Forests run vast and wild

and Mama Ocean is fierce and wonderful....

and there He was

bedding down on the side of the only road

into or out of this sacred place...

the road that would take us back into the noise of living.

I had not seen him.

And longing to perhaps capture an image

I asked my love if we could turn around.

He sighed as there was a ferry to catch

and a tradition to be up held.

But as his heart is so,

he pulled the truck over to make the sketchy turn around....

We drove up across from him

and pulled to the side of the road.

There he was blending into all that was around him

My love took a shot...wrong lens and too far away.

We idled for a moment watching him

and quickly it became apparent 

something was not right.

We drove ahead to find yet another place to turn around

so we could be closer

and asses what exactly was happening

For He was not making any effort to leave

his precarious spot.

Even as the cars flew by, he made no effort

to retreat into the thick of the forest...

into the safety and cover of Mather Natures hug.

A dull feeling began to grow within my gut

and as we came back upon him,

this time on his side of the road,

I knew things were not right...

he had been hit

hit bad enough he could no longer get up.

He was stunning.

Beautiful in every sense of the word

I captured some images as I spoke to him.

He watched me closely

I longed to get out of the vehicle

and wrap my arms around his neck

but I did not.

And after I was done

we all just looked as him

knowing that being this close to him

observing him in this manor

was a sacred gift....

*

And then he began to speak to me.

*

As the tears rolled down my cheeks

He told me that even the most beautiful of things

must die...

He knew he was dying

and was completely surrendered to that.

The life-death-life cycle was part of his DNA

and he did not question it.

He peered into my soul and revealed to me

the death that was happening within me.

He spoke to me about letting what needed to die

die

and that by doing so

I would be making room for the new life

waiting to be born...

there was more

sacred things

held between The Divine and myself

things to be held within 

my own sacred alter of my soul.

These few minutes I shared with him...

(I am not sure how long it was we lingered)

went straight to the core of my being.

The tears fully flowed as our hearts entwined.

He was suffering

and we knew we had to do something....

My husband made the appropriate calls

making sure someone would come

and see to this magnificent creatures needs...

I could not hold back the sobs as we pulled away

I felt my heart tearing from the top

to the bottom

Even now as I write this

the tears still come

this unexpected gift

this unexpected sorrow

To bear witness to the True Balance

To view a deeper reflection of this life

moved my heart so.

We continued onto our traditional stopping spot

before leaving

this our most favorite place...

and I poured my tears into Mama Ocean

Tears of sorrow

Tears of humility

Tears of gratitude

Tears of joy

So deeply moved am I

by the Divinity that Is

by the Deep Love that  is ours for the taking

for the Abundance of Giving

for the way we are each held

so precious

so important

so valid

to a Creator

whose Love reaches to the ends of infinity.

(this video was my second take...the first I was unable to contain my emotion)

*
 More thoughts on surrender with deer...
Earlier in the year I took an embodiment journey with deer.
I entered her body and she took me into the meadow where she and her herd grazed. The stillness was beautiful, and yet within the stillness I heard every sound...
and I could hear how each how they each flowed together like a  choir, like meditation.
There was a deep peace and freedom within these sounds.
We stayed plugged into all that was going on around us
and yet
stayed in this place of still peace
I could not help but ask her how she lived in this unique kind of peace even though she was being hunted by man and other animals for food.
She told me she did not live in that thought.
her thoughts were about her herd, mating, 
raising her young,
listening to the forest and nourishing herself.
She did not focus on the fact that she was hunted
until the time when she was being hunted came.
Then she would use her swiftness and knowledge of her surroundings to do what she could to continue in this life. 
As she spoke I felt her level of 
surrender and un-attatchment...
instead she carried the deep knowing 
that all things here come to an end at some point
and in that knowing
she was, is and always would be.
* 

Tell me lovelies

when you look at Him

what is it you see?

what is it you hear?

what is it you know?

Love and Light