Mud...and The Return...of Life

The Return

 
Some day, if you are lucky,
You'll return from a thunderous journey
trailing snake scales, wing fragments
and the musk of Earth and Moon.

 Eyes will examine you for signs
of damage, or change
and you too will wonder
if your skin shows traces
of fur, or leaves,
if thrushes have built a nest
of your hair, if Andromeda 
burns from your eyes.

Do not be surprised by prickly questions
from those who barely inhabit
their own fleeting lives, who barely tastetheir own possibility, who barely dream.

If your hands are empty, treasureless,
if your toes have not grown claws
if your obedient voice has not
become a wild cry, a howl,
you will reassure them.

We warned you,
they might declare, 
there is nothing else,
no point, no meaning, no mystery at all,
just this frantic waiting to die.

And yet, they tremble, mute,
afraid you've returned without sweet
elixir for unspeakable thirst, without
a fluent dance or holy language
to teach them, without a compass

bearing to a forgotten border where
no one crosses without weeping
for the terrible beauty of galaxies
and granite and bone. 

They tremble,
hoping your lips hold a secret,
that the song your body now sings
will redeem them, 

yet they fear
your secret is

dangerous, 
 shattering,
 

and once it flies from your astonished mouth, 
they, like you, 
must disintegrate
before unfolding 
tremulous wings

-Geneen Marie Haugen

I wish I had written those words
they resonate so deep within my bones
I remember the day I first read them
a number of years back
they felt like they were written just for me

but truly I hope they touch deeply all who read them 
waking the soul within
to venture past what you know
to grasp what you have not touched before
 and stand in a place
unfamiliar

this month I gave to myself
truly the best gift I have given
I indulged my self
in spiritual quests
and heart expanding ventures
it was a fruitful month

I lived in the intent
of my spirit
listening closely
to God
in all the forms
that God Is
and I was 
blessed

The mud of life can be cold
and seem cruel
but nothing is without purpose
nothing without reason

I am bursting forth with expression
Creativity has taken her place 
with in the walls of my being
and I can only explain this vast shift happening
because I showed up
because I grasp on to what was waiting
I listened 
I believed
I trusted

that even in the thick of the mud
of life
the sun would still shine...

and
it
did
and 
it
continues
to
do
so

I was once a lost soul
tortured by my past
lost in my today
and disconnected from my tomorrow
I once walked the dark damp halls of depression
feeling less then
unwanted
damaged

I smiled
and tried
really tried to grasp on to the joy
any joy I could
all the while
no one could see
the storm that raged inside

Those days are but a memory
My life is my own
a gift from the heavens
a gift from the earth
a gift from a God so mysterious
that even the name God
is not enough

I am whole
I am complete
I am on the journey of a life time
and it is full of mad goodness
and beautiful pain
and I am loving
every breathe
every moment
every thing

Puhpowee.

The mysterious force that builds in the dark, rising to press up from the soil, up from the mud, up from the earth in a sudden surge of emergence, ascension. 

This is where I dwell this year
in the mysterious mud of new beginnings
the birthing place of new life
and all things sacred...

lovelies
I hope to see you there

Love and Light

these images were captured by my dear sister-friend Debbie 
who I talked into taking them for me
I really wanted to mark this time in a grand sort of way
with great intension
I have to say it is the first time in my life
when I have totally be able to recognize myself in the pictures
For one who is usually on the other side
of the lens
this was a true gift
thx Deb xo

Shanti
Shanti
Shanti